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Thursday, January 3, 2013

What's that? (the dreaded question)

Sometimes I had awesome explanations for new things in the Crazies' life. Other times I completely fuck it up.

I fucked it up this morning while I was caught putting a tampon in.

"Mom, what's that?"
Ummm...can I have some privacy please?
"Sure, but what's that?  Haha...VAGINAAA!!!"
Can you please step out???
"Yeah...what's that?"
It's a tampon!
"Oh yeah, I knew that."
Did ya?
"Yup...what is it used for?"
What?  The tampon?

"Yeah...what does it do?"
Ummm...sometimes women need extra protection (WHATTHEHELLDOESTHATMEAN?)
"Oh yeah.  From what?"
It's private, but it's just when women need a little extra something for protection (HUH?)
"Oh, and not mans?"
No, men don't have to deal with this.  (UNLESSYOUCONSIDERHAVINGTOWAITFIVEDAYSFORSEXSOMESORTOFNEEDFORCONCERN)
"Oh good."
What the hell did I just tell my son? 

How does one describe a tampon though?  I'm not going into the whole period discussion and I refuse to talk about "flow" with a 4-year old!  That just isn't going to happen.  Plus, you know boys.  There would be 2.5 seconds before he'd want to see how it worked and probably take it apart.  Then there would be strings and fluffy cotton all over the place and I'm just not ready to deal with the tampon discussion on that level.





So, therein lies my problem.  I just described a tampon in the same way someone would describe a handgun in different times.  We need a little extra protection???  WTF does that even mean?  Plus, a tampon doesn't even really protect us against anything...at least not in the way that Matt understands the word protection.

So, I suck this morning.  I have failed at describing a tampon to my son.  I'm just waiting to come upstairs one day and find him surrounded by tampons because he needed a little extra protection from his bad dudes or goblins or something.

This is my life.

6 comments:

Mom said...

1 - What I want to say: Bahahahaha

2 - What I have to say: Close and lock the door please

3 - (still laughing)

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

I can generally deal with an audience when I tee-tee...but there are certain times that even a mama needs her privacy. I shield myself as best I can, and hope and pray I don't have to answer any questions for a while. I will try to remember from this post not to make any handgun references...but who knows what would actually come out if I were to be surprised, as you were. ;)

Mini MNM's said...

So funny! I have had similar coversations with my sons. They ask what I am doing and all I try to keep saying is for them to get out. One day my twins were about 2.5 and they asked what my pad was. I didn't know what to tell them. They asked if it was a diaper. I guess it sort of is. I told them yes and now they get in the cabinet and hand me out one and say, "Momma, here is your diaper." I hope I didn't scar them too bad!

Cheryl Lage said...

Hand to heaven, we used tampons recently for paint application. ;)

Suzan H said...

Wonderful post! Thanks for giving voice to what I think most of us have experienced as moms! In a period wise world frank discussions of menstruation would be the norm and embarrassment a thing of the past. I look forward to reading more about your crazies! :)

Carrie27 said...

I probably would have said something much worse, don't worry about it.