Sometimes I had awesome explanations for new things in the Crazies' life. Other times I completely fuck it up.
I fucked it up this morning while I was caught putting a tampon in.
"Mom, what's that?"
Ummm...can I have some privacy please?
"Sure, but what's that? Haha...VAGINAAA!!!"
Can you please step out???
It's a tampon!
"Oh yeah, I knew that."
"Yup...what is it used for?"
What? The tampon?
"Yeah...what does it do?"
Ummm...sometimes women need extra protection (WHATTHEHELLDOESTHATMEAN?)
"Oh yeah. From what?"
It's private, but it's just when women need a little extra something for protection (HUH?)
"Oh, and not mans?"
No, men don't have to deal with this. (UNLESSYOUCONSIDERHAVINGTOWAITFIVEDAYSFORSEXSOMESORTOFNEEDFORCONCERN)
What the hell did I just tell my son?
How does one describe a tampon though? I'm not going into the whole period discussion and I refuse to talk about "flow" with a 4-year old! That just isn't going to happen. Plus, you know boys. There would be 2.5 seconds before he'd want to see how it worked and probably take it apart. Then there would be strings and fluffy cotton all over the place and I'm just not ready to deal with the tampon discussion on that level.
So, therein lies my problem. I just described a tampon in the same way someone would describe a handgun in different times. We need a little extra protection??? WTF does that even mean? Plus, a tampon doesn't even really protect us against anything...at least not in the way that Matt understands the word protection.
So, I suck this morning. I have failed at describing a tampon to my son. I'm just waiting to come upstairs one day and find him surrounded by tampons because he needed a little extra protection from his bad dudes or goblins or something.
This is my life.