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Wednesday, February 6, 2013


I'm not one.

I'm not a Natural Born Housewife (NBH).

I actually kind of suck at it.

I see dishes in the sink and wonder "gee...who is going to do those?"

I see dog hair in corners and pretend it's not there.

I loathe the way our toilets smell in our new house.  There's something about the width of the lip that catches pee...that's right...I said, "catches pee."  They smell all the time and will have to be replaced.  Until that happens, I just squirt toilet cleaner in there and leave it until the next unsuspecting victim flushes.  It certainly takes care of the smell, but I can't tell you if it actually cleans anything.  

That's probably because I can't find our toilet brush.

Not that I'd use it if I found it.

I know we have one.  I just have no idea where it is.

I'm too short to reach the bottom of our bathtub, so that pretty much gets neglected.

I feel that nightly baths take care of cleaning the Crazies' tub.

I repeatedly walk past things on the stairs wondering when anyone is going to take care of that.

Baskets full of clean and folded laundry sit at the end of my bed for days (much to Husband's chagrin) because I loathe putting laundry away.

At least it's folded!  I'm not completely useless!!!

There is a scarf that I wore a week ago sitting on top of my couch.  It's still sitting there not because I don't have the strength to take it upstairs, but because somewhere in my demented mind, it could pass as a throw.

Who thinks like that???

My desk looks like a bomb hit it (even though I don't work from home).  That may or may not because I don't have a dedicated place for files, but who knows?  Truthfully, since we got a piece from my Nana, this may change.  It has shelves and doors...everything storage piece is better with doors, right?

I don't own a mop.

Or a bucket.

Or anything that could possibly clean a floor except for Clorox wipes, but those probably aren't good for hardwoods, right?

We typically only take out the handheld vacuum.  The big one is saved for G (we'll discuss G in a bit).

I can't stand little bathroom garbage cans because they're stupid.  Or maybe we just try to put too much in them.  Either way, they're constantly overflowing and it's gross.  Who wants an overflow of bathroom garbage?  Not me...I just wish I knew who was going to handle that!

Mirrors aren't really a problem b/c the Crazies aren't tall enough to yuck it up and Husband...well, I just ignore his.  

Windows I can handle if I'm in the right mood.  I think that GG's love is Windex has brainwashed me that using Windex isn't really cleaning.  It's making things smell good with a lovely blue hue!

I love to organize.  I love to put things away.  I love to declutter.  I love to get things just right so that it makes sense. 

I don't love to clean.

I never can ask GG.

So, I'm going to try a few new things.  I'm sharing because if I write it down and send it into Cyberspace, then I may actually stick to it.  No promises though...

  • I am putting a centerpiece on our table.  I read somewhere that if you have a centerpiece on your table, you will not shit it up.  Those are not the exact words that I read, but they get the message across.  The table in our kitchen because a huge catch-all for Matt's Legos, Hailey's "artwork," Husband's iPad, my magazines, and so many other things I could share.  Enough is a enough.  We eat our meals there!  We do not need to shove piles of crap around in order to eat!
  • I am going to spend 10 minutes on my desk per day.  I will use a timer.  I will put things away.  I will reorganize things that need to be left out.  I will purchase file boxes, picture boxes, and canisters for anything that needs one.  I will not be shy about my commitment to my desk.  However, I will ONLY purchase pretty things that make me smile.  Like these:
  • I will really really work hard on emptying the sink in the morning.  I can't promise at night yet b/c I'm not always at home, but I can do the morning (until I go back to work and then all bets are off).  There's just something about having a clean sink!
  • I will NOT put my clothes away as I take them off.  If they are dirty, they will continue to be put in the hamper.  I will spend 20 minutes every weekend cleaning my room.  That one is just for Husband.  He cannot stand the fact that I don't put my clothes away.
  • I will try with the Crazies' laundry.  The problem is that I fold at night when they're sleeping, so putting it away just leaves my brain when we wake up the next day.  I need to figure out how to work this into our routine.
  • When I'm bored and think about starting another round of Candy Crush, I should look around and ask "What would a NBH do right now?"  Then I should do it!!!  I need to wrap my brain around the fact that no one else is going to do it.
Now, let's talk about G.  She's been working with us for over a year and she's awesome.  She comes every two weeks like clockwork.  She brings her "girl."  She cleans the shit out of my house every two weeks.  She changes sheets.  She leaves vacuum marks.  She scrubs the floors by hand.  She had to ask me to purchase a broom (embarrassing).  She is incredible and I love her and we only use her because I suck at being a NBH, but we'll keep her because she's so much better!  She does some weird stuff every now and then, but I can overlook that because she changes the sheets.  If you change my sheets, I can overlook a lot of nonsense!  We also love her because she's relatively cheap (tutoring covers it anyway...gotta love tutoring).

What about you guys?  Are you NBHs?  What do you loathe the most?  What would you NEVER do if you had the chance?


Marcia (123 blog) said...

was that you who posted anonymously on my blog? I also talked about clean houses :)

I love love love a clean house and things done "properly". And yes, I could be bothered to do it all myself but I now don't have all the time I'd need but it sure does make me happy.

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

I love that your scarf could almost pass as a throw! Of course I also wish you hadn't planted that little seed in my mind...because, at least subconsciously, I will be using it myself now. HA!

In theory, I am a wonderful NBH. But in practice, I'm just too damn tired.

I do bits and pieces, but it never all comes together at the same time.

We also have a wonderful lady who comes once a month. (Maybe we can increase the frequency when I start back to work???) She's been with us for probably 8 years now, and it's not a luxury I was willing to part with after the girls were born. I gave up my fancy cell phone to continue to afford her! ;) With that, I also have no idea how to properly clean our hardwoods, or the glass shower doors. I do all the in-between, but the deep cleaning...I'll gladly pass on to Nana A. ;)

Meghan said...

I love this post!!! I think you might live in my house or something. I am SOOOO not a NBH but I love your steps towards becoming one. I'm going to try some of them too.

Manda said...

hysterical. absolutely hysterical. even more poignant this week as every time i ask "who is going to take care of that?" the sad answer is ME. sigh...

Denise said...

I don't understand the NBH at all. We have someone who comes every two weeks to clean and he is my hero. If something were to happen and we had to cut way back on spending, the cleaning budget would be the last to go. I absolutely hate cleaning bathrooms, everything about it. And the kitchen, our kids are such gross eaters!

Our guy doesn't usually change sheets, but anytime the guest bed is messed up, he washes those sheets and puts them back on (without being asked). He also washes all towels from all the bathrooms each visit. I never asked him to do that, he just started because he said he might as well let the washer work while he does. Love him!

I do have an obsession with the sink. I cannot go to bed unless it is empty. I load and run the dishwasher every night before bed and then empty it every morning while the kids are eating breakfast. I don't know why, but this is the one "cleaning" thing I do religiously. And I don't mind it. I hate when anyone else loads my dishwasher because they put everything in the wrong spot. My way is the right way!

Mom said...

I just broke out in hives, I think. OK, I have a few suggestions. How about trying to focus on one room each day? I clean on Fridays, but each day I try to do extra in one room. That way it doesn't build up. It's not a perfect system but it helps. I also don't have a "G". Laundry gets done all the time - I dump it on the bed to fold so it gets put away immediately or I can't sleep. Windows get done in the spring and in the fall, except this year when they had to be done again after the hurricane (it blew sea salt and other detritus all over my newly cleaned windows - ick!). Finally, Windex is my friend!!!!! Love you...

strongblonde said...

i am NOT a NBH. i don't feel like i'm a natural born anything, though! i just got a fb message from a middle school friend talking about all of the great stuff she does. i wondered, "how the heck does she DO all of that??" (volunteering at her kids' school, organizing the annual fundraiser dinner, hosting an art event in her home, etc, etc, etc). i'm not sure how much is being faked for fb sake...or how much is real b/c she has a ton of diposable income. how much does she actually DO? i'm sure she has help with it all b/c she also has time to get her hair and nails done weekly (this is the gal i've blogged about in the past), she goes on a trip every 6 wks, etc. whatever. i digress.

i'm not a NBH. i find too many other things to get distracted by. and i'm okay with that. you just have to own who and what you are/ are not, right?

Barbara Manatee said...

Definitely NOT a NBH either. I keep up on the day to day stuff fine (dishes, laundry, etc) but only vacuum 1x a week usually and never dust unless we're having company. I am great at putting the kids' laundry away each week but ours sits folded in the basket until I NEED the basket again. pathetic. Husband is no better.

I can't stand clutter though. I'm just as responsible for it as everyone else in this house but it reaches a point that I lose my shit when it gets too bad...and husband hate when I get to that point (like I did this weekend) and go nuts until things are de-cluttered. I'm still annoyed with DH b/c his crap is everywhere.

I'd LOVE to hire a cleaning lady - have thought about it several times but never followed through on it. We went as far once as to have someone come out and give us an estimate...but she decided we had too many stairs so she turned us down and we never sought out anyone else. :-(