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Monday, March 25, 2013

Playing the Peacemaker

Do you see her?

She's right there on the right with a sweet smile on her face.

She's my peacemaker.

Ever since she was a baby, she'd do what she could to make sure Matt was happy.

She still does.

I worry about it sometimes...that she'll get cast as the pushover and never get her own way, but when something is important to her, she definitely stands up for herself.

It's just that when Matt is really upset, she'll go out of her way to make him happy.

We had a birthday party today (note to self:  you are not a two-birthday-party-in-a-weekend mother).  The goody bags contained flashlights.  Matt got a white one and Hailey got a green one.  This was a freaking really big deal.  He started in on it before we even left the party, but I kept the bags in my purse hoping for the out of sight out of mind phenomenon that people keep talking about.

Once we got into the car, I let them have their bags and the crying started immediately...and didn't end for a while.

He wanted the green one.  It "shined brighter."  That is a direct quote.  Oh, and he "never gets the green flashlight."  That's another one.

I just kind of kept quiet about it while I daydreamed about the Venti non-fat Caramel Machiatto that I had earned while making it through my second party.  Hailey started saying "you get what you get and you don't get upset."

Whoever came up with this saying???  I find it kind of obnoxious, but I'm not going to tell her that.  I find it funny (in an obnoxious way) when she says it.  However, it sends him over the edge.

I told her to try to be quiet for a while so that Matt could calm down.  She agreed, but kept shining her green flashlight in his face.


Finally, she turns to him and says "I have an idea.  You can have the green flashlight for three days while I have the white one and then we can switch."

Matt happily agreed.

Who wouldn't?

She even said he could have the green one first.

All was right with the world (until he started shouting some nonsense about a cakepop when we pulled up to Starbu.cks...then I nearly lost my shit).

She's always done this.  If she wants to take a bath and he wants a shower, she showers.  If she wants to play Monopoly and he wants to play Legos, she plays Legos.  If he wants something, she finds a way to see that it happens.  One time he got a sword taken away and she came rushing at me to get it out of my hands.  I narrowly escaped to hear her in his room crying along with him saying, "I really tried to get it back for you!  I'm so upset I couldn't get it for you!"  She's always tried to make sure that he's okay with things.

I kind of love her for it.

I do step in and tell her that it's okay to have things her way too, but I think she just wants everything to be easy, calm, and peaceful.  That's just her way...until you try to help her pick out an outfit.  Then she's as picky as Paris Hil.ton.

How do you guys handle this relationship?  I'm sure it happens in every family...just curious.


Marcia (123 blog) said...

K was the same as Hailey but it annoyed me so much (I'm all for people standing up for themselves even if it's to my son!!!) I started teaching her at about a year to be assertive and now... there's no stopping her.

They still both acquiese now and again but it's much more balanced according to who cares about something more.

I had a VERY proud moment yesterday - K told me a girl at church did or said something mean and I asked what she did and she stood up to this big girl. AWESOME! I told her I'm so proud of you, Baby, and she BEAMED!!!!

Denise said...

Nathan used to be our peacemaker, but getting his way has become more important to him in the last 6 months or so. But he never took it quite as far as Hailey.

Our kids learned a similar phrase at daycare "you get what you get, so don't throw a fit." Sometimes one of them will say it and the other one will actually accept whatever situation was upsetting them. It must work in a group setting or something!

Manda said...

she's a peacemaker with others too right? maybe it's just her nature. i think she fights and stands up for herself when she wants to, but it seems to me like she picks her battles. smart girl.

Shell said...

What a sweet girl! My boys seem to take turns letting whoever is the most upset have their way. Unless they are all upset.

And then you can find me in the closet with a bottle of wine.

I hate the "you get what you get and you don't get upset" phrase. My boys all say it, to. Or they end it with "and you don't have a fit." It does sound snotty to me, even though I get the reasoning that their teachers say it.

Scooby and Jon said...

My twins have this same thing. J is the peacekeeper. I try to point out to T how happy it makes him when J does this for him. They are 4. This doesn't work. But I still hold out hope that eventually T will pick it up too.

Life with Gemelos said...

I am so happy to read this. That describes one of my girls perfectly. She ALWAYS "gives in." I never thought about it as her being the peacemaker! I like that. I do step in sometimes because I feel like she doesn't stand up for herself enough, but after reading this, I realize that she does stand up when something is really important to her. Thanks for writing this!!

Carrie27 said...

K does this especially for A. She will give in to her, get her things, etc. Sometimes I step in and tell her not to do something just so she realizes she does not have to do everything for A.