Ummm...Please Don't Steal My Craziness...Okay? Thanks!

People I Love...follow along if you're so inclined!

Monday, July 22, 2013

Monday Musings #2

Yes, I know I skipped a week.

Last Monday I had two interviews for teaching positions in my old county.

I thought they went well.

On Friday I found out that I didn't get the position at my old school.

I was baffled.

The wind was out of my sails.

I've worked there already.

I did a great job.

I had leadership positions.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK???

However, I was busy on Friday, so I couldn't throw myself a pity party.

So, I rescheduled my pity party to 4:30 am on Saturday morning.

I found out that throwing yourself a pity party at 4:30 am has its advantages and disadvantages.

1.  Advantage - No one is awake and in your face asking "what's wrong, mama?"
2.  Disadvantage - You can't drink wine.
3.  Advantage - You can't engorge yourself on chips...too loud.
4.  Disadvantage - You also can't eat ice cream.
5.  Advantage - If you are able to sneak down to get some pity food, no one will try to take it from you or beg for "just one bite."
6.  Disadvantage - If you even try to sneak down those stairs, the damn dog will get so loud that it will wake everyone up in the entire house and they'll all want some of your food...including the dog.
7.  Advantage - You're not wearing make up that could be messed up by pity party crying.
8.  Disadvantage - Your eyes will be puffy all day and you'll feel more tired than usual.
9.  Advantage - No one will try to give you a pep talk.
10.  Disadvantage - No one will try to give you a pep talk.

That's right...I laid in bed and quietly cried from 4:30 am until 6:30 am when Matt tumbled out of bed.

Ridiculous, right?

It's not that I'm that upset about that particular job, but it was a real hit to the self-esteem.  I have no idea or insight as to why they didn't want me, but they didn't choose me.  That alone hurts.

Here's the other thing...I don't even really know that they didn't want me.  Maybe they had to go with another choice because of what the county needed them to do.  I have no idea.  There are tons of politics in public schools and even more when you're dealing with a new superintendent, the Common Core, and an ever changing educational environment.  What is the right thing to do?  I don't know if anyone knows!

I know we have options and we are lucky because of that.  I am not desperate to get back to work, but I am desperate to get back in the classroom and start working with kids again.  I need them and I think they need me too.  I am a good teacher.  I'm scared though...what if no one wants me?

What if I have to be a SAHM forever???  Ugh...I can't do that.

Anyway, if you find yourself in need of a pity party, choose your time wisely...there are advantages and disadvantages to everything.

BTW, I'm still waiting to hear back from the other school, but I'm thinking that if they wanted me, I'd have heard by now.

10 comments:

strongblonde said...

i hate job politics. seriously. is there anyone that you can talk to who might be able to shed light? sometimes knowing the WHY is helpful, right? there was a full time position open at one of the schools that B was teaching art at. he was one of 5 people brought in for an interview (out of 480 applicants), and apparently it was down to him and one other guy and the other guy got it. it was PISSED. he had worked with these people for years, had great evals, and really wanted to work there. finally one of the other faculty told him that they had all voted for him, but the administration called a special meeting and told them all of the reasons they were going with the other guy. the faculty were pissed, too. we both feel a little sorry for the other guy walking into that...but it at least made B feel better. like he really WAS wanted, but there was political bs behind the decision.

you will not be a SAHM forever. even if you are not back in the classroom proper, you know that you still have a role in kids' lives!

you could move out here and we could spend our days "training" for some event and getting manis/pedis! :)

oh! and WHO says you can't drink wine at 0430. anything's possible!
hang in there. xx

Shell said...

Probably a stupid political thing.

It seems like most of the time, they already know who they are going to hire before they even do interviews, but they have to go through the motions.

Good luck with your job search!

I miss being in the classroom sometimes, though I don't miss the aspects that don't deal with the kids.

Natasha Carneiro said...

Sorry. Let's look at the positive side, maybe there is something better waiting out there for you. It is ok to throw a pity party, you know to get it out of the system and all of that ;-)

Hang in there, your position is coming!

Hillary said...

I was thinking again this morning about how pissed I am that you aren't coming back. I need more people who appreciate my sarcasm! ; )

In all seriousness, I feel pretty darn confident that you'll find something. Like we talked about the other day, there must be a silver lining---you just can't see it yet.

Danifred said...

I could have written this exact post a few weeks ago... to a tee except my crying took place after the kids went to bed.

Nothing is wrong with us- it's them. Screw them. All of them.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

Oh man, you and me both.

I still haven't heard from that position I applied for - I think they don't want me but I'm scared to just email and ask for feedback.

It's the disappointment and the frustration that sucks!

XXX

Kelly said...

You can do this- and you WILL. Just be patient. The school market is so crazy right now. Have faith. You never know what will happen.

Amy said...

Their loss. I am serious. Their loss. The idiots.

Barbara Manatee said...

One of my first thoughts was "Why can't you drink wine at 4:30 am when you're having a pity party?"

So sorry to hear about this. I can totally understand your feelings. I'm one of those people that would usually rather stay in my comfort zone than venture out and face failure/rejection. Some co-workers of mine are excited that I'm doing my Ed Spec program and hope that I'll end up their principal in the near future...but even before I know I'm ready to take that kind of leap, I think about "what if I go for it and don't get it? How would I feel?..."

Hopefully more opportunities will come up and something better will come along. I'm glad you've got some options but I understand the emotions when you've built yourself up for something you're ready for and then....:-(

Hang in there...and next time? promise me you'll go for the wine or the ice cream (I'd pick wine...).

Carrie27 said...

Big giant hugs.....