Yes, I know I skipped a week.
Last Monday I had two interviews for teaching positions in my old county.
I thought they went well.
On Friday I found out that I didn't get the position at my old school.
I was baffled.
The wind was out of my sails.
I've worked there already.
I did a great job.
I had leadership positions.
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK???
However, I was busy on Friday, so I couldn't throw myself a pity party.
So, I rescheduled my pity party to 4:30 am on Saturday morning.
I found out that throwing yourself a pity party at 4:30 am has its advantages and disadvantages.
1. Advantage - No one is awake and in your face asking "what's wrong, mama?"
2. Disadvantage - You can't drink wine.
3. Advantage - You can't engorge yourself on chips...too loud.
4. Disadvantage - You also can't eat ice cream.
5. Advantage - If you are able to sneak down to get some pity food, no one will try to take it from you or beg for "just one bite."
6. Disadvantage - If you even try to sneak down those stairs, the damn dog will get so loud that it will wake everyone up in the entire house and they'll all want some of your food...including the dog.
7. Advantage - You're not wearing make up that could be messed up by pity party crying.
8. Disadvantage - Your eyes will be puffy all day and you'll feel more tired than usual.
9. Advantage - No one will try to give you a pep talk.
10. Disadvantage - No one will try to give you a pep talk.
That's right...I laid in bed and quietly cried from 4:30 am until 6:30 am when Matt tumbled out of bed.
It's not that I'm that upset about that particular job, but it was a real hit to the self-esteem. I have no idea or insight as to why they didn't want me, but they didn't choose me. That alone hurts.
Here's the other thing...I don't even really know that they didn't want me. Maybe they had to go with another choice because of what the county needed them to do. I have no idea. There are tons of politics in public schools and even more when you're dealing with a new superintendent, the Common Core, and an ever changing educational environment. What is the right thing to do? I don't know if anyone knows!
I know we have options and we are lucky because of that. I am not desperate to get back to work, but I am desperate to get back in the classroom and start working with kids again. I need them and I think they need me too. I am a good teacher. I'm scared though...what if no one wants me?
What if I have to be a SAHM forever??? Ugh...I can't do that.
Anyway, if you find yourself in need of a pity party, choose your time wisely...there are advantages and disadvantages to everything.
BTW, I'm still waiting to hear back from the other school, but I'm thinking that if they wanted me, I'd have heard by now.