Wednesday, July 24, 2013
PYHO - I Was Wanted...for a minute
Yesterday I had an appointment at Go.ddard regarding changes in the Crazies' school schedules. In light of the recent, "you're a great teacher, but aren't familiar enough with the Common Core, so we can't find a job for you" ordeal, we are going to have to scale back the kids' schooling.
And I'm fine with that.
We have to be able to live within our means and we made the decision to send them for an extra year (at a much steeper price) thinking that I wouldn't have a problem getting a job.
And then I did.
And I'm fine with that because as I get older, I realize that things don't always go as we plan.
(and oh.my.god does that suck ass)
Who knew I wouldn't learn all of my most important lessons in my 20s?
(my mother probably knew)
Anyway, as we discussed the changes, we involved all sorts of contingency plans. What if I get hired for a long term sub position? Can we add hours to the day? How much will it cost? What is the difference? What will hold our spot? All of that shit. I mentioned how frustrated I was that we even had to have this conversation. Then she said it...
"Well, we're hiring if you're interested. I think you'd be great."
Holy shit...really? You think I'd be great?
(cue shy gushing and blushing that makes me want to kick my own ass)
Okay, slow down there, cowgirl...ask some questions.
"What is the age group?"
"How many hours per week?"
"What is the pay?"
"$12 per hour"
Oy...all of that is not exactly what I had in mind, but for a minute, I was wanted.
Someone thought that I would be good enough to do a job that was in my field.
(kinda, sorta...I make things work when I'm desperate)
Someone wanted to hire me.
(looking back, someone wanted me to fill out an application)
Then she mentioned that the tuition would be 50% off as well.
Can't beat that with a bat, but all of the other stuff? That didn't work for me. I'd still have to tutor at night (making 5x as much per hour while tutoring and not wiping asses). I wouldn't have time to take courses which I need in order to maintain my certification. It would not allow me the flexibility for me to take a job within my desired county if there was a long term leave position. Also, this is not what I really want to do.
As I spoke with Husband, he immediately showed concern at my hopeful giddiness. He's an engineer...that's what they do. I should be used to it.
(but after 10 years, I always expect him to get as excited as I do)
Upon returning home, some Crazy did something that set me off.
(shocker...have I told you how petrified I am that we don't have ANY camps for August???)
I sent them both up to their rooms and started weeping. I started weeping that I was so desperate to be wanted that I was willing to avoid any and all logical thinking. Hmmm...that's how some of my worst relationships started way back when...not a good cycle to get back into.
This wasn't a logical decision. Yes, 50% off the tuition was incredibly attractive, but I wouldn't be paid what I deserve, I don't particularly like other people's snotty kids, and I wouldn't have time to pursue what I need to do to get back into the classroom.
It's a lose-lose.
(except for the tuition and that is still niggling at me)
Anyway, I'm not going to do it. It was nice to be wanted for a minute, but it's not what is good for me or my family.
And I'm fine with that.
Thanks, Shell...it's been a while and I needed to get it out!