Ummm...Please Don't Steal My Craziness...Okay? Thanks!

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Monday, January 28, 2013

May 2007 - a look back at the life of someone else

Man:  Ooooh...honey, isn't it nice that it's warmer and the days are getting longer?
Woman:  Oh, yeah...and I just love putting my shorts back on.  I just feel more alive!
Man:  Your legs do look great this Spring.  It's sort of making me horny.
Woman:  (cheesy porn growl) Really?  Let's go make a baby!
Man:  You're on!

This is what started my January/February from hell.  Every fucking kid on this Earth is having a birthday all because Spring made people horny 5 years ago.

At first I was calling them Summer Fuckers, but I figured it out the other night, that's just not accurate.  I gave a couple of my friends a hard time about going on their summer vacation, getting a little tipsy, and forgetting to use birth control, but now I realize that I was terribly wrong.

Let's be clear, I wasn't wrong in giving them a hard time...I was wrong blaming it on their summer vacation.

It was the Spring Slammers that are now costing me an arm and a leg in birthday presents.  

It's so wrong that I wretch when I see both of the Crazies' names on the invitation.

If just one Crazy is invited, I am a happy camper b/c this will only cost me one present.  

THEN, some welltodo (that should be one word like "nonetheless") parent mentions that she'd also like to invite the other Crazy and I want to throw up.  Not only has she ruined my whole "I won't go out to the store for a birthday present, so I'll just hit up Amazon for two girl presents at the same time" thing, but it's also doubling my costs!  

And HEAVEN FUCKING FORBID if she waits until I am Crazy-free to ask me (or perhaps email me...what a novel idea).  NOOOOO!!!  I get asked right in front of both of them which creates a very merry mayhem and who am I to say no??

I'd be a royal bitch if I said no, so I fake-gleefully agree and head off to Hell-Mart to get another gift.

Don't get me wrong...these parties have been fun for the Crazies.  They have learned things, honed their social skills, and mastered cupcake eating (Matt can do it with no hands at this point...we're so proud).  It's just that we're getting nothing done around the house, we're always answering 50 million questions about how long it will be before we go to the party, we're being badgered to wrap presents like we'd send our children to a party with unwrapped gifts (isn't that considered child abuse these days???), and we're tired...fucking tired!

So, don't misunderstand, the parties are lovely.

It's just that everyone fucked around the same time and we're not getting a break!

I do have a point with this post other than just ranting (but ranting is so much fun, isn't it?)...what is your go to birthday present for girls and boys?  Also, how much do you spend on each child?  I'm just wondering where I am on the spectrum.

Here's what I did this weekend...each girl got a headband making kit and an Eric Carle birthday book from Hailey.  Matt gave one girl the Cinderella DVD and the other fire truck Legos (yes, his idea).  I'd say we spent about $25 on each kid.  Is that normal?

Okay...today's rant over (unless you want me to go into the freezing rain and ice shit that occurred around here this morning, but you probably don't).

Let me know your birthday ideas and costs...I need to know what other people do b/c I am running out of ideas (and time and money and patience...you get the gist).

source
PS - don't really say this to a child...learned that one the hard way!