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Wednesday, February 6, 2013


I'm not one.

I'm not a Natural Born Housewife (NBH).

I actually kind of suck at it.

I see dishes in the sink and wonder "gee...who is going to do those?"

I see dog hair in corners and pretend it's not there.

I loathe the way our toilets smell in our new house.  There's something about the width of the lip that catches pee...that's right...I said, "catches pee."  They smell all the time and will have to be replaced.  Until that happens, I just squirt toilet cleaner in there and leave it until the next unsuspecting victim flushes.  It certainly takes care of the smell, but I can't tell you if it actually cleans anything.  

That's probably because I can't find our toilet brush.

Not that I'd use it if I found it.

I know we have one.  I just have no idea where it is.

I'm too short to reach the bottom of our bathtub, so that pretty much gets neglected.

I feel that nightly baths take care of cleaning the Crazies' tub.

I repeatedly walk past things on the stairs wondering when anyone is going to take care of that.

Baskets full of clean and folded laundry sit at the end of my bed for days (much to Husband's chagrin) because I loathe putting laundry away.

At least it's folded!  I'm not completely useless!!!

There is a scarf that I wore a week ago sitting on top of my couch.  It's still sitting there not because I don't have the strength to take it upstairs, but because somewhere in my demented mind, it could pass as a throw.

Who thinks like that???

My desk looks like a bomb hit it (even though I don't work from home).  That may or may not because I don't have a dedicated place for files, but who knows?  Truthfully, since we got a piece from my Nana, this may change.  It has shelves and doors...everything storage piece is better with doors, right?

I don't own a mop.

Or a bucket.

Or anything that could possibly clean a floor except for Clorox wipes, but those probably aren't good for hardwoods, right?

We typically only take out the handheld vacuum.  The big one is saved for G (we'll discuss G in a bit).

I can't stand little bathroom garbage cans because they're stupid.  Or maybe we just try to put too much in them.  Either way, they're constantly overflowing and it's gross.  Who wants an overflow of bathroom garbage?  Not me...I just wish I knew who was going to handle that!

Mirrors aren't really a problem b/c the Crazies aren't tall enough to yuck it up and Husband...well, I just ignore his.  

Windows I can handle if I'm in the right mood.  I think that GG's love is Windex has brainwashed me that using Windex isn't really cleaning.  It's making things smell good with a lovely blue hue!

I love to organize.  I love to put things away.  I love to declutter.  I love to get things just right so that it makes sense. 

I don't love to clean.

I never can ask GG.

So, I'm going to try a few new things.  I'm sharing because if I write it down and send it into Cyberspace, then I may actually stick to it.  No promises though...

  • I am putting a centerpiece on our table.  I read somewhere that if you have a centerpiece on your table, you will not shit it up.  Those are not the exact words that I read, but they get the message across.  The table in our kitchen because a huge catch-all for Matt's Legos, Hailey's "artwork," Husband's iPad, my magazines, and so many other things I could share.  Enough is a enough.  We eat our meals there!  We do not need to shove piles of crap around in order to eat!
  • I am going to spend 10 minutes on my desk per day.  I will use a timer.  I will put things away.  I will reorganize things that need to be left out.  I will purchase file boxes, picture boxes, and canisters for anything that needs one.  I will not be shy about my commitment to my desk.  However, I will ONLY purchase pretty things that make me smile.  Like these:
  • I will really really work hard on emptying the sink in the morning.  I can't promise at night yet b/c I'm not always at home, but I can do the morning (until I go back to work and then all bets are off).  There's just something about having a clean sink!
  • I will NOT put my clothes away as I take them off.  If they are dirty, they will continue to be put in the hamper.  I will spend 20 minutes every weekend cleaning my room.  That one is just for Husband.  He cannot stand the fact that I don't put my clothes away.
  • I will try with the Crazies' laundry.  The problem is that I fold at night when they're sleeping, so putting it away just leaves my brain when we wake up the next day.  I need to figure out how to work this into our routine.
  • When I'm bored and think about starting another round of Candy Crush, I should look around and ask "What would a NBH do right now?"  Then I should do it!!!  I need to wrap my brain around the fact that no one else is going to do it.
Now, let's talk about G.  She's been working with us for over a year and she's awesome.  She comes every two weeks like clockwork.  She brings her "girl."  She cleans the shit out of my house every two weeks.  She changes sheets.  She leaves vacuum marks.  She scrubs the floors by hand.  She had to ask me to purchase a broom (embarrassing).  She is incredible and I love her and we only use her because I suck at being a NBH, but we'll keep her because she's so much better!  She does some weird stuff every now and then, but I can overlook that because she changes the sheets.  If you change my sheets, I can overlook a lot of nonsense!  We also love her because she's relatively cheap (tutoring covers it anyway...gotta love tutoring).

What about you guys?  Are you NBHs?  What do you loathe the most?  What would you NEVER do if you had the chance?