Unexplained X2

Post postponed

2012-01-26T07:48:00.001-05:00

Today's post is postponed due toThe Sick getting me last night. It got Matt too. We should return to our regularly scheduled broadcast soon. God willing.

The day my head almost popped off my body

2012-01-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

Drop Crazies off at preschool.

Go grocery shopping.

Drop groceries off.

Drive to mall.

Return a few things.

Browse Ann Taylor Loft.

Don't buy anything (mark your calendars...that rarely happens).

Make the 20 minute drive back.

Stop and get a Starbucks (did you know that the white mocha frappucino is actually WHITE?? Gross!!).

Wait outside for preschool to end.

Wave to the kids as they were taking their walk.

Pair my new phone to my car (so technically advanced, ain't I?).

Go inside to pick up Crazies.

Mrs. W: They had a good day. When we were taking our walk, Matt kept yelling at Hailey. He'd scream, "COME ON, HAILEY!!" from the front of the line. That girl doesn't get a break, does she?

Nope...no she doesn't.

Walk out to the car.

Put Hailey in the car.

Yell at Matt 3-4 times to get out of the snow and into the car.

He finally comes.

I get him in the car and go back around to Hailey's side to buckle her as another mother wanted to put her kids into the car and the spots are impossibly small.

Buckle Hailey in.

Other mother still isn't done with her kids, but moves aside enough so I can wedge myself in to buckle Matt.

"Look Mommy! I wrote on your car with my orange crayon."

"You did WHAT??"

"I wrote on your car with my orange crayon...isn't it pretty?"

"You did not do that."

Push my sunglasses up to see the full picture. Holy shit...that little shit wrote on my beautiful car...my first brand new car ever in my life...with a fucking orange crayon!!!!

Grab crayon.

Slam door.

Smile at other mother like my head wasn't about to explode.

Get in my seat.

"Why did you write on the car?"

"I thought you'd would like it...it's pretty and orange. I love orange."

"WE DON'T WRITE ON THE CAR WITH CRAYON. WE DON'T RUIN OUR NICE THINGS BY WRITING ALL OVER THEM. WE JUST DON'T DO THAT!!!!!"

"Mommy, I wanna snack."
"Fine...here's a wipe. Wipe your hands and I'll give you your snacks."

"Matt, take the wipe and do your hands. If you don't do it, you won't get any snack."

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Fine...no snack."

Let the seat kicking commence!

"Stop kicking my seat."

"If you kick my seat one more time, you'll have to go to your room when we get home."

"I want a snack."

"Well, Mommy's driving right now. You had your chance and you wouldn't wipe your hands, so no snack for you."

That's how I channel my inner Soup Nazi.

Plus, you little shit...you're still fucking kicking the back of my seat...in the car you just ruined...my beautiful first brand new car ever in my life. Screw your snack.

"I. WANT. MY SNACK."

"NO."

Kicking.

"You'll be going to your room when we get home because you're not listening."

Ear splitting screaming

Kicking.

Screaming.

Kicking.

Screaming.

"Is Matt going to his room when we get home?"

"Yes, Hailey...he sure is. He's not listening and he's ruining our things. He needs some time alone to think about this."

"Okay."

I'm pretty sure she was fucking psyched because she didn't feel great to begin with and he was a royal pain in the ass.

Screaming.

Kicking.

Screaming.

Kicking.

"Mom, there's a dump truck."

"Mmhmm."

WTF??? Who gives a shit about a dump truck right now? You've ruined my car and I want to rip your goddamn legs off.

The screaming and kicking continued until we got home.

I got them both unbuckled and tried to get inside where I could really lose my shit.

Hailey got out without a problem.

Matt refused.

Oh really?

I think not.

I got Hailey safely inside while Matt was still corralled in the car.

She immediately lays down on the couch.

I go back outside to find that he has put his arms through the straps of the car seat again like we're going somewhere.

I don't fucking think so.

I pull him out of his car seat and tuck him under my arm like a huge, loud, drooly, wriggly football.

Me, my small frame, and my high heeled boots hightail it into the house, up the stairs, and drop him on his bed where he continues to snot, cry, and scream all over himself.

Oh, and did I mention the drool???

The drool is fucking disgusting!

"I don't wanna go to my room!!!!"

"Well, you did something bad AND you're weren't listening. We all need a break. You're staying in here for a little while."

Honestly, if I don't get a break, my head will literally pop off my body.

Kick the door.

Open the door.

Close the door.

Scream some more.

Open the door.

Drool.

Put a movie on for Hailey.

Cover her with a blanket.

Call Husband.

Vent to Husband.

Promise Husband I wouldn't kill Matt.

Go to talk to Matt.

He has no fucking clue why he was in there or what he did wrong.

When asked to think really hard, he gives me a blank stare and starts yelling at me about some ripped picture he found in the garbage.

Holy fucking shit...I did NOT get 1.5 Master's degrees to deal with this shit!

Take him downstairs.

Check on Hailey.

Her fever is back.

She looks miserable.

I need to make lunch.

"Do you guys want macaroni and cheese?"

"Yes."

"NO!"

"You don't need to scream at me. What would you like instead?"

"I DON'T KNOW."

"Take one...don't scream at me. How about peanut butter & jelly?"

No answer...

I'll take that as a "yes."

I call them in for lunch.

Neither one moves.

I call them again.

I turn off the movie.

They both collapse into puddles of toddlerness.

Ugh.

I don't really remember what happened next, but suddenly, I was carrying Matt to the table and he was kicking and screaming.

I can only assume that my head really DID pop off of my body because I have no conscious memory of what prompted me to lift him up.

It's all a blur of yelling, nasty faces, and insolence.

I plop him on his chair.

"It's lunchtime...time to eat."

And he punches me in the chest.

Stay tuned for Part II coming tomorrow...anyone want to predict what happens from here on out? Does my head pop off again? Or does it stay attached with calm and reassuring words for my troubled son?

Terrible Tuesday (the craptastic edition)

2012-01-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

Hailey got some sort of virus over the weekend which really only involved a fever that we couldn't get rid of. There weren't any other symptoms...until today.

We were Skyping with GG over lunch and the Crazies got down. As we were finishing our conversation, I hear this panicked screaming from Hailey.

Noises like this are not uncommon in our house, so I casually walked around the corner to find her on the toilet.

She's freaking out because she was having her first bout with diarrhea and had no idea what was happening to her body. She kept crying about having an accident and that her "butt was peeing." I felt so bad for her, but it was still kind of funny.

I got off of Skype with GG really quickly and went to clean her up. She started to get herself under control and said, "dat was NOT a good idea...I don't wanna do dat again!"

Yeah...I don't blame you, kiddo.

And that's typically how viruses end in our house...lovely, right?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daddy was on Matt's bath duty last night and Matt suddenly had to get out to poop.

Daddy swoops him out, wraps him up, and lets him start his business.

Matt screams out (yes, screams like Daddy isn't 1.5 feet away) "I'M DONE!!!!"

Daddy starts to clean Matt up and I overhear him saying, "Mommy does this much better. Mommy wipes my tush much much better than you."

I can only take that as a compliment, right?

I'm the world's best ass wiper.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This one happened a few weeks ago in a Tarjay restroom.

Hailey had to pee and, luckily, so did I...lucky me, lucky me, lucky me (I try to remind myself of how lucky I am when something terribly embarrassing happens to me).

We were in the stall...she went first.

Then it was her turn to watch.

When I sat down to go, I quickly realized that I had started spotting (with Mirena, you don't actually get a period which is heavenly, but you do spot every now and then which is annoying). She takes one look at my undies and starts saying, "Mama...is dat POOP? Do you have poop in there? Why is dere poop in dere?"

I quietly try to explain that it's not poop, but to no avail. It's out there in a very echo-y restroom. Apparently this sweet little girl's mother has poop in her underwear and didn't even deny it...lovely.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In other news:

I figured out how to make buffalo chicken tenders and they are freaking awesome. I want to buffalo everything.
Buffalo is now a verb.
I am halting my use of microwave bagged popcorn and doing it in brown paper bags instead.
I ate wings during the Giants' game Sunday night and they won again. Guess what I'll be having during the Superbowl.
I sent Hailey to school today b/c she was fever free and was horrified when the diarrhea incident occurred. I am a rule follower and would not have sent her if this happened in the morning.
I can't spell diarrhea. I had to copy and paste it every single time while writing this post.
I wouldn't call #6 a short-coming.

Makes My Monday - Going to the Superbowl

2012-01-23T06:55:00.000-05:00

Thanks for hosting, Cheryl!

Okay, well I'm not going, but my football team is and I couldn't be happier!

Source for images.

Cawfee Tawk VIII

2012-01-22T08:49:00.001-05:00

If you're joining up this week, please leave a comment and link back...I'd love to have some cawfee with you this morning!

The questions:

I set a friend up on a date this week...do you have any single friends that you want to set up?
Were you ever set up? Tell me the story.
Over drink at Ladies' Night the other night, I was shocked (and I'm no prude) at how many of the women recently drank until they puked. When was the last time you overdid it?
What did you do this weekend?
Is there one piece of furniture/home decor that has made it through toddlerhood even though you never thought it would in a million years? Take a picture of it if you can.
Are you a snow lover? Or a snow hater?
We have had some rather colorful language flying around our house. Are there any words that you're just freaking sick of?

The answers:

I set a friend up on a date this week...do you have any single friends that you want to set up? This was completely random. We were out at Mom's Night and one of the ladies mentioned a girlfriend of hers that was having trouble finding a guy without baggage. Once you get into your 30's, you're dealing with kids and divorce and all sorts of things. Anyway, I mentioned a guy friend of mine who was in the same boat. We got to texting and they had their first date last night. Other than that, I don't have anyone. (and if you know this guy in real life, which some of you do, PLEASE don't mention this...I don't want to jinx it and you all know that he turns and runs when people are up his ass about his life...don't ruin this)
Were you ever set up? Tell me the story. I can't really remember. I'm sure I was, but it never worked out. It was always awkward and led me to think "is this what my friends really think of me?" The one time my Nana set me up with her Physical Therapist and it was awkward...she was shocked that I wasn't instantly in love with him.
Over drink at Ladies' Night the other night, I was shocked (and I'm no prude) at how many of the women recently drank until they puked. When was the last time you overdid it? I can't even remember. I'm so scared to do that because I will.not.be.able.to.function. There is no way it's worth it. Granted, it was two of the girls' birthday, but still...I just can't do it. I never know what I'm in for in the middle of the night and these two don't give me a break...ever. Puking will not happen any time soon (or ever again for that matter...I hate puking).
What did you do this weekend? We were supposed to have Tae Kwon Do and then go to Philly to see family, but that all fell through. The weather was a factor, but Hailey fever ended up being an even more decisive factor. We couldn't control it without meds and we've tried (and failed) traveling with sick Crazies. It's never worth it and it just makes everything worse. Plus, we were going to see Cousin's son and I didn't want to expose him to anything either. I just hope it's a passing thing. They were bummed about Tae Kwon Do, but got over it because it was snowing. Then it was interesting trying to explain why you couldn't play in snow covered with ice and why snow angels were just about impossible. It's been an interesting weekend.
Is there one piece of furniture/home decor that has made it through toddlerhood even though you never thought it would in a million years? These lamps. They are on either side of our couch in the living room and make a really awesome "jingly" noise when touched. They're made from capiz shells strung together with this lovely invisible thread. I am floored that they still exist in my house and I love them so so so much.
Are you a snow lover? Or a snow hater? Hater...as I tried to go inside early yesterday, Husband was laughing at me b/c I've mentioned trying skiing this year. He knows I'm going to hate it and I think he's right. I know...I should get out there, but I just can't get over my love of warmth.
We have had some rather colorful language flying around our house. Are there any words that you're just freaking sick of? Butt, poop, stupid, and dammit (that one is Hailey's and I don't think she'll be letting it loose any time soon). Matt is currently receiving automatic time-outs for his words...I'm freaking sick of it.

Friday Night Leftovers

2012-01-20T15:36:00.000-05:00

Thanks, Danifred...can't wait to meet your baby!!!

I've taken back a bookshelf in my house. There are no toys on it. There are no kid books on it. There are picture frames, a salt lamp, a scentsy thing, a speaker for my ipod, a stupid bird, and some glass plates. It's heavenly and I'm not even finished with it.

I only own three pairs of jeans...well, I own more, but I only wear three. Is that weird? I think i need more.

Husband and I are planning another visit to this restaurant as a Valentine's Day/My Birthday dinner. I can't freaking WAIT!!! I'm also super-psyched that we're not going out on Valentine's Day. I hate fixed menus.

The Crazies skipped naps one day this week. Both of them. At the same time. I thought I was going to lose my shit.

I hate Winter.

I am loving gel manicures lately. I am REALLY harsh on my nails and don't have time to have one every week. Plus, I get to walk out of there with nails that don't have to dry. Winning...

Matt did the unthinkable...he walked out of his bedroom in the middle of the night. He said (right out loud), "I need to give my Daddy a kiss and a hug." This will not happen in my house! We will not have children out of their beds at all hours of the night! I'm sure it didn't happen that I had gotten back from my Girl's Night really late and was not in my right mind. It wasn't pretty. We had a chat in the morning...I think he'll see things my way tonight. I may or may not have mentioned the fact that he could go tumbling down the stairs. Yes, I love scare tactics and use them frequently.

Two more things:

This is why I love Sister

This is why I love Husband.

Times, They Are A Changing...

2012-01-19T06:47:00.004-05:00

Yup, that's right...my blog tastes are changing.

I know...this is riveting news.

I am no longer intrigued by twin blogs trying to siphon every little bit of knowledge I can, but my tastes are changing.

I'm pretty sure we can blame Pinterest for this.

Do you KNOW how many pretty houses there are out there?

Or pretty outfits?

Or pretty rooms?

Or pretty cakes?

Yes, I'm distracted by bright and shiny things. Who isn't?

So, I did a "Reader Purge." I went through all of the blogs in my reader one day and decided to get rid of the blogs that don't interest me anymore.

It was shocking how many there were.

I spent at least 10 minutes "unsubscribing" to blogs.

There was a lot of thought involved. Some might even call it research. I'd call it clicking on the blog to see if I even remembered what it was about and making my call from there.

After it was all done, I felt pretty good. I was renewed. I could concentrate on what I wanted to and all of the other "noise" was gone.

Except when I came back the next day, they were all back!

I'm defeated.

Oh, and did you know that Google Friend Connect is going away? I have no idea what this means, but I do know that it's not good. Somehow I have to figure out which blogs I'm following through Google Friend Connect and follow them through RSS Feed instead.

Which kind of sounds like performing brain surgery at this point.

Do you guys ever do this? Trim the fat, so to speak? It is just getting a bit overwhelming and I want to get rid of certain blogs, but they're not going away. They're like cockroaches (with great and creative ideas...nice cockroaches that just don't hold my attention anymore).

Oh, and I'm over here today too...head over and leave me a comment. I'll love you forever!

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-18T06:25:00.004-05:00

GO GIANTS!!!

Talking on a Tuesday

2012-01-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

We had a FIRST this weekend...Husband and Matt crossed streams.

It was Matt's idea.

Husband was already going and Matt just pulled up to the bar.

He couldn't do it though.

He got total stage fright.

Then he said, "can you put that thing away?"

I lost my shit b/c I thought he was talking about the "one eyed monster" and that he was intimidated or something...turns out, he was talking about Husband's belt buckle.

Very intimidating.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

As I was getting ready to watch the Giants/Packers game, I pulled out my computer to see if anyone was talking shit on FB.

Hailey takes one look at me and says (in a completely horrified voice), "Hey Mom! You can't watch the TV and your computer at the same time!!!!"

It's like she doesn't know me at all.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I bought a box-o-wine last week.

Don't judge me...

It was $15.99 for four bottles worth of wine.

I like wine...I like money...win-win.

Plus, if you haven't heard, boxed wines are getting pretty damn good.

Anyway, the first time I opened it, I guess I didn't exactly close the tap correctly and it leaked all over the shelf.

I was pissed.

Not as pissed as if it had been in a bottle, but still pissed.

I'm showing Husband tonight and he says, "it looks like your box drank the wine that leaked."

To which I quickly retorted with, "my box is drunk."

I wish I could say it's the first time my box has been drunk.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Makes My Monday

2012-01-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

These are just a few things that make my Monday...thanks Cheryl!

First official Tae Kwon Do session in our gis! Yes, they're a little big, but the smallest size they carry is quadruple zero!

Reading a book near a freezing cold door because he wanted to go outside to play so badly.

Football food...gotta love that.

Some GREAT Giants football!!!

This guy...who wrangled the Crazies for a couple of hours so I could watch my game. He's the BEST!

Cawfee Tawk VII

2012-01-15T07:46:00.003-05:00

If you're playing this morning, please just link back to me! I like to see who's out there!

The questions:

If you could eliminate one month from the calendar, which month would it be and why?
Is there one fashion trend or piece of clothing that you wish you could wear, but it just doesn't work for you?
Are all of your Christmas decorations away?
What have you heard about Sleep Number mattresses?
Are there any games/apps that you participate in that you're ridiculously embarrassed by?
What is your favorite song right now (post the video)?
Who do you think will win this afternoon? The Giants? Or the Packers?

The answers:

If you could eliminate one month from the calendar, which month would it be and why? I'm not a huge fan of February...it seems kind of pointless and the holidays are boring. It's also very cold and gray. I'm not a fan of cold and gray.
Is there one fashion trend or piece of clothing that you wish you could wear, but it just doesn't work for you? I thought I was out on the skinny jeans front, but I finally found a pair that worked (being short and curvy isn't exactly skinny jean material). I've never been able to wear earrings because my ears get infected, but yesterday I wore a pair for like 8 hours...I may just jump back on the earring bandwagon.
Are all of your Christmas decorations away? We have to get one more storage bin for odds & ends (snow globes, music boxes, etc.) and take the lights off the roof and then WE'RE DONE!!!
What have you heard about Sleep Number mattresses? I don't know if I can really answer this because I'm the interested party. Anyway, I've heard good things. I only know one person who has one and she swears by it.
Are there any games/apps that you participate in that you're ridiculously embarrassed by? I play this silly Tiny Towers game on my iPhone...it's addicted me like no other.
What is your favorite song right now (post the video)? These guys look like a bunch of tools (to me, you might be into that), but I like the song...reminds me of summer.
Who do you think will win this afternoon? The Giants? Or the Packers? I think it's going to be a good game, but I gotta go with my GIANTS!!!!

Photo A Day (Week Two)

2012-01-14T15:41:00.002-05:00

After last week's lame-o post, I decided I needed to step it out.

At this point, you may be thinking, "oh, she definitely decided to take out her super-awesome camera."

But I didn't.

I've been trying to figure out my new important looking flash that Husband got me for Christmas. So, that camera has been busy taking picture of jewelry in my room.

Instead, I relied on the good ole iPhone.

#8 - My Sky...I loved the lines going across the morning sky (even though I have no idea what caused them...probably something toxic and I'm all like "look at the pretty lines!")

#9 - Daily Routine...I could take a zillion pictures of our daily routine, but this is a new addition. I'm still working on my technique, so don't make fun of our crookedness!

#10 - Childhood...this is a picture from long ago...days of smocked dresses that my mother made and pictures taken at Sears.

#11 - Where I sleep...no, I did not make my bed, Mom!

#12 - Close up...I kind of wish I wasn't so lazy and had actually edited this. I'll bet I could do some freaky things with my eye.

#13 - In my Bag...another smaller bag (I have issues), a Loft coupon (naturally), and yet another smaller bag with toiletries and lotion and anti-bacterial wipes inside. I use so many bags b/c the one you're looking at...the bigger one...was a Christmas gift from Husband and it's reversible and I don't want to ruin the "inside." I love it too much. I also have a small camera in there too, but you can't see it at all...buried under the small bags, I'm sure.

#14 - Something I'm Reading...truth be told, I finished this book last night (holla!!!), but I've been reading it since before Christmas. It was a loooooooong read, but I'm so glad I made it through. This man truly was an inspiration and believed with his entire being that he was on this Earth to change things...and he sure did.

Oh, and I'm working on a Photo A Day project for February...anyone else want in? It's made up of all the things you love (since February is the month for Hallmark love and if I don't find something else to take up this dreadful month of cold and gray-ness, I'm going to throw myself off a bridge). I may give a sneak peek this week (rhyming is my game).

Friday Night Leftovers

2012-01-13T15:55:00.001-05:00

Head over and visit our hostess, Danifred...she's really pregnant and ready to be DONE!

Last weekend, Husband and I were talking about how compatible we are and whether or not I was fat (because the two go hand-in-hand, right?)...gotta love living with a woman. Anyway, we're smack dab in the middle of our convo and he says, "You totally fat my standards." Freudian slip? Horrific.

We put the Crazies to bed the other night and were chatting about our days. Hailey called for her Daddy and he went in (whipped). They're chatting a little bit about some lost stuffy or something utterly ridiculous like that when she busts out with "Who was dat lady you was talkin to?" She's a trip...and I hope there aren't any other ladies talking with Husband in my bedroom.

Matt has been calling his sister, "my best fwiend, Haiwey." It's just too damn cute.

Why is it when I ask the Crazies to go to the bathroom (before leaving the house or before a meal or when I know they haven't peed for 4 hours and are about to pee all over my floor), they react like I'm asking them to pull out every one of their eyelashes and weave the world's smallest basket??? What is the big deal with peeing?

I had an appointment to have my teeth cleaned yesterday. Not only did I forget to complete my holy-shit-I'm-going-to-the-dentist-next-week-and-must-floss-every-day-for-seven-days, but I had popcorn for a snack before I went and forgot to brush my teeth. I rule.

I'm pretty sure I should be cleaning my iPhone more often. Do you even realize that I bring this thing into the bathroom every time I go in there? I also carry it around the gym and let the Crazies touch it every now and then. It's gross (but I love it and you can't take it away from me, ever)!!!

Is it weird that watching the Crazies in the powder room (like how I'm trying to have etiquette?) makes me nostalgic? Just a few short years ago, they relied on me for all of their toileting needs. Now? Hailey brags about being able to do it all herself..."I pull my underwear and pants up just like you, Mommy!" Matt stands like a big boy and hits and bowl nearly every time. I'll admit, I still have to take his pants up and down, but the rest of it is all him. It makes me a little sad...they're so damn adept at toileting!

I picked up the Crazies' Tae Kwon Do uniforms last night. They're going to be so freaking gigantic on them, but the good news is that we won't have to buy new ones until they're like seven!

Welp...naptime is over. Let the games begin!

Oops, I Did It Again...

2012-01-12T16:58:00.001-05:00

New post here.

The Chicken That Schooled Me

2012-01-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

So, on days that I tutor, I typically throw something in the Crock Pot (well, one of the days...on the other, Husband is left to his own devices).

Today, it was a whole chicken. Have you ever cooked a whole chicken in the Crock Pot? Well, it rules. Here's a really good recipe.

I bought a new brand of chicken this week b/c it was on sale at the supermarket and I didn't feel like waiting until we went to BJs because I'm impulsive like that.

Yes, I do live on the edge...thanks for asking.

After lunch today, I had to start my Chicken Preparation. Of course, the Crazies wanted in on the action. Hailey pulled up the step stool and Matt bellowed from the other room for us to wait, dragged in a dining room chair, slammed it into my new cabinets, ambled his way up (I do believe that's the second time I've used the word "ambled" in as many days), and demanded that I get this party started.

So, I start measuring out the spices...answered the "what's dat?" question five million times, stirred it all together and got started on the chicken.

It's tightly wrapped in plastic which always reminds me of something caught in a condom, so I'm typically freaked out already anyway...I hate condoms.

I grab the scissors and start to cut carefully away at the ~~condom~~ plastic.

Matt says, "oooh...it's dripping" and immediately touches it like it's hot fudge oozing over the top of an ice cream sundae.

I completely freak out and tell him he could get deathly ill from that chicken juice and not to touch anything ever again in the kitchen without asking...EVER!

He got the message.

I continue to cut away at the ~~condom~~ plastic. I ease the carcass out of its casing and start to visually search (because I hate touching raw chicken) for the plastic bag (yet, another condom) that holds the innards. The Crazies are continuing to ask me what I'm looking for and I wonder if they're traumatized by this whole scenario yet.

That's when I see it...the neck...and the assbone.

Wait, these aren't present on my regular chicken...WTF?

And WHERE IS THAT FUCKING CONDOM THAT HOLDS THE INNARDS???

I'm digging and digging and digging...which is when I realize that it's still half frozen. AWESOME! That should make it SO much easier to drag the guts out of this carcass.

Matt is still bugging me about what I'm asking for and all I can come up with is "something that's not supposed to be in there."

The Hailey, my wanna be omniscient one, asks why they would put something in there that wasn't supposed to be in there...gotta love that girl (BTW, I have no idea...who actually uses the innards?).

I'm still digging though and getting closer and closer to becoming a vegetarian as I'm skimming ribs and brushing the top of my hand across the chicken's spine (gack, puke, gag).

The Crazies are still so psyched to be "helping" that they just can't wait.

Then it dawned on me. There.is.no.inner.~~condom~~.plastic bag.

The guts are in there...frozen to the inside of the carcass...and I don't even know how many there are or what they look like.

So, I try to read the package (as I yell at the Crazies to get out of the kitchen because being confused while cooking really frustrates me and makes me sweat).

The package does not have the diagram of chicken organs that I was hoping for, so it's back to digging.

At this point, I'm near puking because I know I have to touch a heart and a kidney and some other shit that is gross (and probably has something to do with filtering waste and creating poo).

So, I grab the tongs...tongs always help, right?

Except that chickens are small...and when you can't get enough room to actually open the tongs, they're fucking USELESS!!!!!!!!

Oh, and did I mention that the inside of this fucking chicken was frozen? And that my fingers were frozen? And that I was about to puke? DID I MENTION THAT SHIT???

Anyway, I finally get everything out (or I think I did...I lost count after the heart...fucking gross) and I notice that the neck is still on there.

Can you really cook a chicken with the neck?

This totally reminds me of the duck in A Christmas Story...fa ra ra ra ra...

What do you do? Do you pull it off?

Yes, apparently, you do...or you try to.

I grab hold of the neck and start to pull and twist and yank that fucking neck in every possible direction to try to get it the fuck off of my dinner!

As I'm doing this, Matt is screaming, "PULL MOMMY!!! GET IT!!! PULL HARDER!!"

So, I start laughing and give up. Who says you can't cook a chicken with the neck on?

At this point, I am drenched, near puking, and laughing because my children will never eat dinner now.

As a matter of fact, Matt literally said, "I am not eating this chicken." Nice, right? All my hard work...right down the drain.

So, I take the carcass, stuff it in the Crock Pot, put the lid on, set it to high, and hope for the best.

After all, I'm not going to be home for dinner...good luck to Husband!

That chicken schooled me...seriously...

Wordless Wednesday - The One I Really Wanted

2012-01-11T07:40:00.003-05:00

Wordful Wednesday - We've Officially Lost It

2012-01-11T06:52:00.002-05:00

This picture was from Christmas Day.
This was the point at which we decided naps were in order.
The pants had come off.
The "blow dryer" was being used inappropriately.
The Rapunzel dress was tripping a certain young lady up.
They had officially lost it.

I woke up at 6AM this morning just knowing which picture I'd use today. I took it a few days ago and I'm in love with it and I was all ready. I ambled downstairs with my memory card in the pocket of my robe. I started my coffee and went to look for the thing that I need to plug into my computer to get the pictures off the memory card (that has a name, right?). I reach into my lovely Kelly Moore camera bag and it's nowhere to be found. I try to think about the last time I used it and I believe it's when I downloaded some Christmas pictures after our flight to Boston got canceled. That means that I haven't downloaded pictures since December 27th and that my "thing for getting pictures into my computer" is probably still in my Kindle case upstairs in my bedroom. That also means that I officially SUCK as a photographer and need to get back on the ball. Seriously...

I'll get better...I swear.

This is Why Teenagers Think Their Parents are So Stupid

2012-01-10T06:56:00.000-05:00

I put a status on FB last night...it read something like this:

"I think I need a storage bin labeled "toys I hate and really want to throw away, but can't due to enormous guilt or fear that a colossal meltdown will occur." Anyone else need that??"

This status was in response to the multitude of annoying toys and toy parts that I keep finding around my house. There was a time where I could keep everything straight, but I have no idea where this tiny little plastic piece (that Matt claims he "has to have") goes. I have no idea which doll owns this tiny little hair clip. Yet, I keep stepping on them, over them, around them...it's getting on my nerves.

Some of the answers I got were sympathetic. Yes, we're all having this problem.

And then I got some solutions.

The number one most popular solution was "throw it away and lie to your children."

So, when I woke up this morning and kept thinking about the responses, I realized that THIS is why teenagers think their parents are totally stupid! Do you remember thinking that your parents were dumb and knew nothing?*

If someone you loved and respected lied to you for years upon end and told you they "didn't know" what happened to your beloved blue lego. Or that they had "no idea" what happened to your purple crayon, you'd start to question their intelligence too!

You'd also start to think they were useless and stop asking them questions (I could see this coming in handy).

Some other solutions were:

Keep a bin in the closet and explain to your kids that you're giving this toy away to a child that will play with it more (monthly basis, I think).
Turn that toy backwards on a shelf and if it hasn't been touched in a month, it goes (I really like this one if I could ever get a toy on the damn shelf!).
Do it while they're sleeping...the meltdowns will happen anyway.
Tell them you have no idea where their "xyz" is and that they need to keep better track of their toys (I like this one b/c it might mean less cleaning up for me if they think their toys are disappearing b/c they're not putting them away).

Anyway, I'm not sure which route I'll take at this point, but I just love the fact that I'm not the only mother in the world who has lies pouring out of her mouth on a routine basis. I know there are some people out there who believe that honesty is the best policy, but I have delicate feet...and they're being injured on a daily basis...and I just don't deserve this kind of torture!

* Mom, I never thought this, but I knew other kids that did.

Don't Act Like You Don't Know...

2012-01-09T15:44:00.002-05:00

New post here...

Rules:

I cannot know you IRL.
You have to be someone that blogs (or has commented a bunch so I know that you're not some NBC/ABC executive stopping by to steal my stories for your latest sitcom...kinda sucks for all you lurkers).
You must either leave an email or your profile must be linked to an email.

I can't invite you if there's no email...no ifs, ands, or buts! Peace, love, and chicken grease!

Cawfee Tawk VI

2012-01-08T07:44:00.001-05:00

These are questions I'd ask you if we were sitting down over a cup of "cawfee" this morning!
Link back to me if you're playing!

The questions:

Have you done anything recently that you're ashamed of?
Is there a friend you haven't seen in a while that you'd like to reconnect with?
What did your husband/significant other do this week that was really awesome?
What are you plans for today?
What is your least favorite toy brought to your home during the holidays?
What TV show is a "never miss" for you?
Do you use your cell phone just for "phoning?" Or for other things as well?

The answers:

Have you done anything recently that you're ashamed of? I'm pretty sure I totally broke the rules with my Photo-a-Day post...most of them aren't my own photos, but I'm going to remedy that this week. The thing is, it's easier to take pictures from my phone, so I might just have to do that. I'm ashamed that I find it so difficult to actually take my camera out of the bag and upload pictures to my computer. The minutes just seem to slip away from me lately. I'm also ashamed that I had the wrong date to a party this weekend, but I'm glad I realized it in time! I never screw things like that up!
Is there a friend you haven't seen in a while that you'd like to reconnect with? It's always nice to reconnect with my college girlfriends. We don't do it enough and I gotta make a change in that department. It's just that we're so damn BUSY! Everyone is though, right???
What did your husband/significant other do this week that was really awesome? Husband came home from work Thursday night and said, "we can just have leftovers tonight...why don't you go get yourself sushi and wine?" He's pretty damn awesome, right? I had already started dinner, but I didn't feel that I could let this opportunity go by (as I would typically give my left leg for sushi), so I made them dinner and then went and got sushi! He also hustled last night after his workout to come to a 4-year old's birthday party with us...he didn't need to do that.
What are you plans for today? We are undecorating the rest of the house...inside, outside, everywhere...Christmas is over for this year :(
What is your least favorite toy brought to your home during the holidays? I can still go with Legos...they hurt like a MFer when stepped on!
What TV show is a "never miss" for you? I hate to admit it, but I'm a "Days of Our Lives" fan...yes, that should also be something I claim for #1!
Do you use your cell phone just for "phoning?" Or for other things as well? I'm doing way too much on my phone lately. Truth? I use it more for other things than I do for phone functions.

Photo a Day (Week One)

2012-01-07T21:15:00.000-05:00

#1 You (me)...you're welcome (and no, this wasn't taken on the first of the year...I suck at doing things on time)

#2 Breakfast...I've been on an omelet binge lately...mushrooms and onions, please!

#3 Something you adore...seriously, folks...I'm in love.

#4 Letterbox...I just don't have a picture of my actual mailbox, but it looks like this (only older and more beat up)

#5 Something you wore...I bought this dress for our 5th anniversary. We were spending the night in the Baltimore Harbor in the hotel where our reception was held. I loved it. I obsessed over losing my tan lines (which barely happened clearly). I ate lots of oysters. I drank wine in the afternoon. It was a wonderful weekend. A week later, I dislocated my knee. I haven't worn this dress since (but I still love it dearly).

Source: flickr.com via Heidi on Pinterest

#6 Makes you smile...Kauai, HI...best place in the universe.

#7 Favourite...love this book.

Friday Night Leftovers

2012-01-06T15:23:00.001-05:00

Inspiration for this verbal vomit

Whoever put child care in our grocery store is a freaking genius. This morning, I was able to walk around, finish my list, cross things off (without my pen being stolen), and have a short conversation with Sister. Life is good. I was even "allowed" to take my groceries out to the car and unload them sans Crazies. Seriously...it was amazing.

Then we went to the library to get some new books. I had a time limit b/c I kept telling them the ice cream would melt in the car. Apparently this led to them thinking they'd be getting ice cream. They are delusional.

I stocked up on goodies for snacks today. I have been so bored with the snacks that I've been getting the Crazies that I was out of my mind. So, I contacted my good friend, Pinterest, and came up with some new ideas. Pinterest rocks...follow me if you're so inclined! I bought oyster crackers, fruit strips (natural, not roll-ups...those gross me out), graham cracker sticks, cottage cheese cups, pudding (Kozy Shack is awesome, right?), veggies to cut up, GoGo Squeeze applesauce (best.invention.ever), and some other shit that I can't remember yet. It'll take some time to prepare, but I will have a variety of healthy snacks, dammit!

Did anyone watch Grey's Anatomy last night? DAMN, right???

I love this post about what to say and what not to say to multiples...love it!

I totally forgot the dog groomer was coming this morning. There was dog shit all over the lawn, my hair was still wet (at least I had makeup on!), and the house was a farking mess. Upon seeing her van, I stumbled out in my socks (with my wet hair) and furiously started cleaning up dog shit...who am I?

I feel kinda bad sometimes that Matt's toys are so big. Hailey's are virtually nonexistent b/c they're these miniscule Polly Pock.et things and whatnot. It's no wonder she tries to play with his toys all the time...she probably can't find hers!

Hailey sleeps with 8000 stuffies and 8 million books. There are nights that she literally falls asleep with a book in her hand. Do I squash this? Do I remove all books from her room? It's not a good thing to sleep with hard books. It's not a good thing to roll over onto "pals" over and over. We've talked to her. We've cut it back. We've set limits. She's just not getting it (but it's kind of cute and adorable, so kill me now...I'm a softie). What do you guys do about this?

I put my groceries on the stove to make sure that I'd put them all away before dinner. Now I want to order out! I suck...

Have a nice weekend, you lovely freaks...

Let the Games Begin

2012-01-06T06:45:00.003-05:00

New post here...

If you're not privy to the private blog, don't get your panties in a bunch...here are the rules:

1. I can't know you in real life.

2. We need to have a "blog relationship" so I know you're not just some random stranger reading all of the inner workings of Rebecca.

3. You should probably have a vagina...everything will make so much more sense if you have a vagina.

**UPDATED** You MUST either leave an email address or link your profile to an email address. It's the ONLY way I can invite you.

Thursday's Things

2012-01-05T06:47:00.001-05:00

I never know what to write about on Thursdays b/c it's after two nights of tutoring and I'm spent, so here is a little ditty I just made up:

Food

I have a bunch of wonton wrapper left over from Christmas.
I had taco meat from Monday night.
I put the taco meat in the wonton wrapper with some cheese.
I baked it for 7 minutes at 350 degrees.
I burned the shit out of my mouth trying to see if it was delicious.
It was.
I believe a lot of leftovers could be put into a wonton wrapper and made delicious.
You should try it.

Clothes

It's been like living in Antarctica here this week.
I love my sweaters.
I am very lucky to have warm clothes.
My heart broke last night as I lay in bed thinking of people who had to sleep outside last night.

Hailey

She spent part of yesterday morning pushing her stroller around.
I had to get a pan out of the cabinet to make breakfast.
She literally runs into me with the stroller.
"Hailey, can you wait a minute? I'm trying to get something out of here."
"Well, your big old butt is in the WAY!"
What the what?
When I tried to explain that saying something like that was rude, she responded with, "well, you DO have a big old butt."
And I thought she'd never talk...

Matt

Was awake the other night when Husband went to check on him at 10:20.
He said the ambulance scared him (went down our street with lights, no siren).
We have no idea what time he actually went to sleep.
This isn't good as this kid needs his sleep!
He told Hailey she could wash her hands first the other night because "you're my sister and I love you and you're da bomb."
He's so fly.

House

Tree is down.
Toys are somewhat reorganized.
Floors are dirty.
Outside decorations are still up.
Our neighbors are probably ready to kill us.
The plan is to take them down this weekend, but I really don't wanna (whine).
The heat has been on nearly non-stop.

Exercise

Strength yoga yesterday...class was crowded.
Spin today...class will be ridiculously crowded...need to get there early to get my favorite bike between two fans that keep me from literally keeling over on the bike.
I hate the gym in January...everyone is so motivated and annoying.
They'll be gone by March.
That's not very encouraging, is it? Oh well...I've seen it happen for years.

What's up with you guys?

Pffffftttt!

2012-01-04T21:18:00.001-05:00

New post here!

WW - Caption this Collage

2012-01-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

You have to use the numbers too...have fun!

Word of the Year = Complete

2012-01-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's not the most beautiful word in the English language, but it works for me. I tried to look for alternates, but the only one that really spoke to me was "fulfill."

Source

It's still not what I'm going for though.

This year, I want to complete things. I want to finish things all the way...not halfway, not almost, not "to be continued." I want to finish.

I don't want to start a project and not finish.

I don't want to start an email to be continued later.

I don't want to start a book, then another, then another one...never really having finished the first.

Source: etsy.com via Wendy on Pinterest

Husband has said this is a bad habit of mine. A lot of things that I set out to do only make it to the halfway point. I've tried needlepoint, scrapbooking, tennis, and letter writing (what in the world?). However, I have never carried any of these projects all the way through. I don't know if it's lack of time, constantly being interrupted by the Crazies, or life in general.

Some of those things are unavoidable...I get that. However, starting reasonable projects is a good idea, right? Yes, it only took me 37 years to learn that I shouldn't get in over my head.

I will choose smaller projects this year or break larger ones into manageable parts.

The one thing I want to stay away from is the antonyms that you see up there. I don't want to "forget, give up, halt, ignore, neglect, or stop" anything.

So, here are the projects that I am taking on this year:

Complete the Crazies' rooms. There is no reason why Hailey is sleeping under Matt's initials and why Matt's room is still a beach theme. This is a big project which can be broken into smaller pieces.
I want to complete reorganizing the china cabinet (I already did this today, but figured it was worth mentioning as I've been trying to get at it for 6 months).
I want to complete losing the baby weight...yes, it's just 7 pounds, but I want it off...it's been almost 3.5 years for God's sake.
I want to complete hanging pictures/artwork in my home. We've lived here for 5 years...it's about time (this is another one that needs to be broken into smaller pieces. I will also need help as there is no fucking way you are going to see me teetering on the Little Giant ladder in our 2-story hallway).
I want to complete my journal.
I will complete a photo-a-day challenge (I'm thinking about this one).
Completely get rid of things that I think I'll use "someday." That day isn't coming any time soon and until then, this shit that lays around my house is toxic to my spirit (deep, aren't I?).
I want to have a complete weekend away with Husband. That means we leave on a Friday and return on a Sunday. This is also going to require some help as I am not allowed to leave Dog in charge.

I am the only person who can complete most of these though...at least complete the planning and implementation, so it's up to me.

Source: fffigures.tumblr.com via Annie on Pinterest

What is YOUR word?

Stop Staring!!

2012-01-01T22:46:00.002-05:00

It's New Years Day.

We spend the day with family in a very relaxing way.

Life is good.

We decide to take down the indoor Christmas decorations the next day...our very last day of vacation.

We have a lovely dinner of sausage and peppers (I kind of rock that dish these days).

We put the Crazies to bed with only one interruption (Matt never takes a shit before going to bed...he HAS to wait until lights out has come and gone...so annoying, but at least he's not shitting his pants anymore, right?).

The Giants were beating the Cowboys (woohoo!), so I decide to take a bath during half-time.

The lovely part of being on vacation is being able to take a bath at 9:45 PM.

I draw the bath at just the right temperature, drop in my LUSH bath bar, make sure my ESPN alerts are on, and turn up my "relaxation" music (great app for my new iPhone).

I get into the bath, pull the bubbles up to my face, take a sip of wine, and realize that Aurora is fucking staring right at my vagina.

Hmmm...that's kind of weird (especially b/c Hailey drew all over her face with a bath crayon and she looks a little bit like a murder victim).

I close my eyes, inhale deeply, concentrate on the music, and try to relax.

One eye peeks open (stupid involuntary movements).

She's staring right at me.

I wonder, "Do other people have this problem?"

I rearrange my bubbles and violently kick her over...drowning her in a completely satisfactory manner.

Problem solved (until her stupid hair gets tangled in my toes).

Happy New Year, peeps!

So, I Will...

2012-01-01T08:21:00.001-05:00

New post here...

Firsts 2011

2012-01-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

Around the New Year, I love to look back on the past year to see what I did for the very first time. I think it's important to look back and see what you've accomplished. I did it last year and here we go for 2011:

Took the Crazies to the aquarium for the first time (which led us to eventually purchase a Family membership). I think this actually happened in December of 2010, but who's counting, right?
Resigned from a job I loved for no good reason (except raising the Crazies, if you count that).
Created my first sushi roll for the Crazies (ham and cheese...aren't I freaking creative?).
Went to the Port Discovery museum with Papa and the Crazies for the first time.
Got my first brain MRI (yes, there is a brain in there).
Left my first snotty note on a horribly parked car.
Read and implemented a parenting book (not a baby book...a "how-the-hell-do-I-get-my-kids-to-act-normal?" book).
Made my first big parental educational decision.
Became and Aunt for the first time (about to be a second time in a couple of months)! Love that Baby Landon!!!
Got my first flat tire with kids in the car and had to call AAA.
Sucked it up and went back to the yoga class in which I dislocated my patella...and rocked it.
Gave both of my children piggytails.
Took the binks away...successfully!
Received my first gluteal massage...and loved it!
Had a child of mine turn blue and stop breathing due to a seizure.
Took our first trip to the emergency room in an ambulance with an unconscious child (see #15).
Handled my shit much better than I thought I would in an emergency situation (see #15 and #16).
Had my first EVER all-day date with Hailey and loved every second of it.
Went to my first half-marathon in support of Husband and a couple of amazing friends.
Consistently participated in an exercise class that kicked my ass on a weekly basis...I never quit even though I couldn't walk for 3-4 days after the class...I love it!
Spent my first weekend in Newport, RI with Sister and GG...awesome weekend!
I came up with my first ever brilliant parenting move...all on my own!
Started my first ever sales job with Stella & Dot (and loved it...for a while...I'm starting to wane).
Attended my first dance recital (for a child of mine).
Had my first play date with two sets of twins and a set of triplets!
Went to meet Thomas the Tank Engine for the very first time.
Potty trained two children before the age of three...holla!
Let the Crazies play in the sprinkler naked.
Sent the Crazies to a couple of summer camps (which totally rocked).
Went to our first movie with the Crazies (this happened just a few days after potty training, so I didn't get to see much of the movie as I was in the restroom every 3.2 seconds).
Drove up and back to NY with the Crazies all.by.myself as Husband had to work...that rocked.
Tolerated a Crazy who gave up her nap.
Survived my first kitchen remodel without killing anyone.
Gave the Crazies KFC for the first time (see #33...btw, they hated it).
Went to a kick-ass restaurant that people have heard of on a nationwide basis for our anniversary...that was so incredible.
Tutoring schedule maxed out and went over what I could handle. That's a first!
Let a Crazy feed a giraffe with his bare hand.
Fed a giraffe with MY bare hand (someone had to go first, right?).
Went to Outerbanks for the first time EVER (and loved it).
Almost drowned while desperately clutching my child as I landed on top of her in the ocean...I guess that could also count as my first time almost drowning another human being too, right?
Lived through my first earthquake.
Went on my first lung cancer walk in support of a family member.
Had my first college friend diagnosed with cancer...and then my second (WTF?).
Tried behavior charts for the first time (Epic Fail).
Allowed the Crazies to finger paint for the first time (Epic Win).
Went on our first real field trip (with a yellow school bus and everything).
Put the Crazies in their own rooms for the first time.
Brought the Crazies to the dentist for the first time.

So, there you have it. Our year in review. This wasn't a very big one for me personally. Things have kind of evened out in my life. Sometimes I see that as boring and sometimes I see that as awesome.

Goals for 2012:

Maintain exercise routine (possibly adding a spin class per week).
Continue to eat well...maybe even a little bit better.
Make sure vacation-talk is part of our Family Meetings...vacations are as important for our health as #1 and #2.
Get the Crazies started on their sight words.
Fill out my "Mom's One Line a Day" book every day...awesome Christmas present from Husband.
Possibly get a bike and participate in a race this summer (this one is a long shot as we have nowhere to store a bike and no time for me to train, but still...it'll happen one day).
Create a music collection that really represents me...my current playlists need some help!
Integrate more yoga into my daily routine.
Get the basement organized!

I think those are pretty good goals...I don't do actual resolutions or choose "target weights." Too much pressure, but I do like having some goals. I also love that January seems to be the month that I love to organize (as February is the month that I fall into a deep depression because I miss the Sun).

What about you guys? Any firsts for you? Any goals?

Christmas Eve

2011-12-28T06:00:00.000-05:00

So, I'm still sitting here bitter because our flight was canceled. I'm trying to get myself back into the holiday spirit though, so here are the shots from Christmas Eve at Aunt Christine and Uncle Ryan's house. Unfortunately, I don't have any shots of our hosts though...apparently, I suck at keeping track of things like that when five million other things are going on!

Hailey would do this thing on Christmas Eve where she'd open a present, pick it up (no matter how big it was) and do this weird stomp over to show me. It was hysterical. Then she put her new dance bag on her head for no apparent reason. She's lost her mind, folks! It's official!

Matt was very into checking out everything he got in detail. The picture on the bottom right totally reminds me of Husband...he loves to read the back of boxes. Is that a guy thing?

MomMom and PopPop got some phly Phillies gear (that was lame attempt at saying "fly," but using the PH how the Phillies phans do it...yes, I'm lame). Landon was in full effect. Uncle Andrew was in from the Deep South (it's not really the deep south, but they have thick accent where he works, so it's close enough). What a great day!

Papa's Christmas Presents 2011

2011-12-27T12:56:00.003-05:00

So, we're currently supposed to be landing in Boston, but our flight was canceled this morning...AFTER we arrived at the airport, parked our car, took the shuttle to departures, and found our airline.

I'm not a happy camper right now.

In lieu of not being happy, I decided to relive some of our favorite Christmas memories from this year...through photos.

Papa sent a package ahead of his visit...as you can see, Papa loves candy! Apparently, so do the Crazies (and every other kid on Earth)! Captions provided by the Crazies.


"Ummm...no, I didn't know I had to ask permission before opening my presents. But it had my name on it!" "Ooooooo...you're in twouble."

"But wook! Wook what I got!"
"Yup...totally worth it."

"Holy crap, I got one too."

"ohmigosh...more candy!"

"And even MORE candy!!!"

"This is a kids' dream come true...candy after candy after candy!"

"Haiwey, a pwesent for both of us."
"Nice...lemme help!"

"How did Papa know I wuv Snoopy!!??"
"Ummm...is it sugary? Can I eat it?"

Thanks, Papa...your presents were VERY well received! Can't wait to see you soon!

Cawfee Tawk (Christmas Edition)

2011-12-25T19:02:00.001-05:00

First of all, Merry Christmas.

Second of all, here are today's questions:

Were there any presents this Christmas that made you cry?
Are you taking your tree down tomorrow?
Who did you wish you were with that you weren't today?
What was your favorite food of the day?
Were your kids well behaved?
How many times did you watch Ralphie in A Christmas Story?
What did you wear today (in a totally non-pervy way)?

Here are today's answers:

Were there any presents this Christmas that made you cry? I broke down and lost my shit at Hailey's ornament that she made at school. Then I opened Matt's and cried again. They were just so sweet and I lost my mind thinking about how many years I have to put them on my tree and think about how sweet they were at this age. I love them more than I can even say. Oh, and how do these preschool teachers fit it all in??? Not only did they prepare these kids for a Christmas performance, but they created these beautiful and meaningful ornaments...they're amazing. I also cried at Husband's gift of a beautiful watch...he is the most generous person and always knows what I want even if I don't know I want it.
Are you taking your tree down tomorrow? No way, Jose! I'm leaving it up for a while...at least until the garbage people come to drag it out of my house (wouldn't that be nice?). I'd love it if my Dad could see it!
Who did you wish you were with that you weren't today? My family. It's just not the same as it was since we're all spread out. I miss all the chaos, but at the same time, I love being able to stay home all day, not rush, and play with our new toys.
What was your favorite food of the day? I thought it would be the crab dip that I made, but it certainly was NOT that! I've gotta say it was our ham...Nature's Promise with the Boar's Head glaze...yum-a-dum-dummy.
Were your kids well behaved? We had a few outbursts, but in general, they were rock stars.
How many times did you watch Ralphie in A Christmas Story? I'm voting at least 6. I applaud TBS for showing that movie every year despite its obvious lack of political correctness in most scenes. I love it and will become one of those crazy people if they ever stop showing it because someone got upset because it was "offensive." I love Ralphie and his little brother (whose name escapes me right this minute...you know...the one who eats like a pig at the dinner table and it's completely hysterical?).
What did you wear today (in a totally non-pervy way)? I sported the sexy flannel penguin pajamas for the first half of the day and finished it off with yoga pants and a sweatshirt...I am the epitome of hotness right now. Oh, and no makeup...that should be shocking for those of you who have followed for a while...absolutely shocking (and it doesn't count that I left last night's makeup on out of sheer exhaustion...it's not enough to be considered a full makeup day).

Okay...your turn. If you're going to play Cawfee Tawk, please link back to me so I can see it...oh, and leave a comment...that's always nice too! Merry Merry!!

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-12-23T12:58:00.001-05:00

Thanks to Danifred!

Hailey keeps drawing pictures for me (with stickers, I might add) and putting them under the tree. They're my "gifts." That girl is freaking adorable.

I went to the grocery store today...what was I thinking? Thankfully, the Crazies went into the TreeHouse (childcare at the grocery store...someone is a genius) and everyone else was pretty nice. Clueless, but nice.

I got the Crazies these little things for Advent. They're a Santa squatting over a chimney and candy comes out of his ass...what is wrong with me?

Ummm...Why, oh why, do I ever turn the Dr. Oz show on? Today they had this woman who was ridiculously obese (BMI 128) who ate online to satisfy men who were turned on by women who overeat. She had two children and didn't want any help...as a matter of fact, kept saying how she as in "perfect health." Sickening...

Matt was trying to pee after holding it for a long time. Things got a little unwieldy ~~fire hydrant out of control~~ and he freaked out. He let go of his unit and started sobbing because he was missing the pool. I'm standing there yelling, "well, don't let go of it...get control back! You're peeing all over the place! Hold onto it!!!" I knew, at that moment, that I was actively scarring my child.

I seriously can't wait for Christmas. We have to wrap Hailey's gifts still, but it is going to be SUCH an awesome morning (p.s. I can't wait to open my gifts either as I have NO idea what I'm getting).
It's all about the kids though, right?

Took Matt to get his hair cut last night and I just want to announce that little boy hair cuts are the bestest.

I'm trying out a recipe to bring to SIL's house tomorrow...I figured it was better to bake a few ahead of time as there are some very picky eaters that will be there. Hmph...I'll do my best. PS - They look like this:
Source: weight-watchers-recipes.net via Rebecca on Pinterest

My gel manicure is working out well. I'm happy because nails take a lot of abuse around the holidays!

Watching Dumbo makes me feel like I'm tripping out!

Take a minute and check in with Marcia...her little girl is in the hospital right now (and may be for 5 days) and could really use some good thoughts!

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas...I love my blog friends (and my IRL friends and family, but you know what I'm talking about)!

Just for Girls? Just for Boys? Who Cares?

2011-12-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

I just read this article and I loved it.

It's a little lengthy, but it goes into gender stereotypes and how we, as adults and parents, feed the fire.

Even if we don't know we're doing it.

Having boy/girl twins is a definite test of what you can say and what you can't. What you can allow and what you can't. What you can encourage and what you can't.

My son has nail polish on his toes.

My daughter plays with trains every single day.

My son sleeps with a piece of dollhouse furniture.

My daughter plays "crash" with the boys at preschool.

I have dealt with many kids who have "come out" to me through my years of teaching and tutoring and I have supported them like crazy. I feel for these kids. I feel for the fact that they've had to hide or manipulate who they really are to fit into these molds that our society has created.

Those molds are definitely changing...that much is true. People are definitely accepting more and more out of their children, but that leads to another cache of issues. People are realizing that not every kid is going to be a traditional girl or a traditional boy...and some people aren't realizing that at all.

How do we, as loving parents, deal with some of these really difficult issues?

How do we, as loving parents, teach our children that some people will just never get it?

How do we, as loving parents, protect our children from the ignorance that still runs rampant through our society?

Sometimes we just can't.

And it sucks.

Take a few minutes...read the article...think about if it were your kid. How would you want their teacher to handle it?

Pour Your Heart Out: SAHM Blues

2011-12-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

Thanks, Shell...clearly, I needed to get this out.

I've worked since I was 16 years old.

That's 21 years if you're counting (and let's not, okay? ~~omgi'mgettingold~~).

I love to work.

I've been a SAHM for 3+ years. It doesn't seem like a lot, but it feels like a looooooong time.

I miss teaching more than I thought I would. I miss my friends. I miss the built-in society we had in that school.

I don't have that. I don't have close friends that I could call at the drop of a hat and complain to. All of my good friends work. I have acquaintances and I don't wanna call them (whine, whine).

I go back and forth with close girlfriends. I had a few in middle school...not many in high school...a ton in college and in my 20s, but things have changed.

People are so damn busy and we've spread out geographically.

I don't really like many people in our area...not enough to feel comfortable enough to really put the time/energy into cultivating a new friendship. It's hard enough to say "hi" or "good morning" when you're dragging twins into their school...much less ask a harmless question like "how was your weekend?" and be able to actually concentrate on the answer.

The other thing that's hard about our area is that a lot of people who live here grew up here. They know each other. They go way back. They're leery about outsiders.

So, where is this all coming from?

I was blindsided by Husband the other day about whether or not I was happy. I hadn't really been thinking about it, but I haven't been happy. Staying at home is b.o.r.i.n.g sometimes and, to be honest, I'm not that happy.

We talked about me going back to work.

We talked about how this may not be enough for me.

We talked about our options.

I cried...a lot.

I contemplated the decision...what it would entail.

I questioned my sanity because I have a really good life. I get to (yes, I say "get to" because I am lucky enough to be able to do this) stay at home with my kids. I get to see all of their little moments. I get to get them dressed every day and talk about what adventures we're going to embark on that day. I get to rescue them from scary situations. I get to encourage them in risky situations. I get to wipe their noses, eyes, and asses. I get to pick them up when they fall. I get to let them learn their lesson. I get to share all of that with them.

I am lucky.

So, if I'm so lucky, why can't I be happy at the same time?

Husband's concern was that my personality was being flattened (my words, not his...he was much more sensitive) and that I wouldn't be able to get it back. Interesting...will I really be able to get it back? I freaking talk to 3-year olds all.day.long. How in the world could I restart my career with people who haven't taken a break? People who have continued to educate themselves? People who have maintained their social skills?

But wouldn't the money be nice?
Wouldn't it be nice if someone outside of this house relied on me? If they thought what I was doing was important rather than just telling me repeatedly that I gave them the wrong snack cup?
Wouldn't it be nice to see adults every single day? (then I reminded myself that most adults are assholes)
Wouldn't it be nice to feel like myself again (because I feel completely at home in a middle school classroom)?

Husband was also afraid that I'd resent this time in our lives...or worse...resent the Crazies.

And the bigger question...what in the world would I do with my kids if I did go back to work?

We don't have family down here.

I don't trust other people.

I would have a real issue knowing that my children were being driven around by someone other than us (because I'm such an awesome driver, right? I never ~~always~~ speed and I've only been in a few ~~several~~ accidents).

I'm not there yet.

I'm not there yet. There, I've said it.

But I had to get it out. I'm not the only one who feels that this is mind-numbingly boring sometimes. I'm not the only one who feels lonely in an era of unending social connections. I'm not the only who wonders if there's something that I'm missing (and then immediately feels guilty because so many people want to do what I'm doing). I'm not the only one who feels that her personality is being zapped by the fact that I repeatedly laugh over someone saying "underpants." I'm not the only one, right?

I'm not ashamed over repeatedly laughing over farts though...farts will forever be funny.

Oh, and at least there's this. Hope springs eternal!

Not so Terrible Tuesday...

2011-12-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

As a matter of fact, I'm sharing something pretty damn terrific today!

We had our annual Christmas dinner with our close friends this past weekend. It was so much fun. Here are some shots:

One of our more brilliant moves was letting the kids open their presents early in the evening...someone wasn't so into it though :(

Our lovely host and hostess...love these people.

"Let's try to get a group shot of all the kids!"

After several takes, this was our best shot. How do professional photographers take an entire class of students??? It's nearly impossible!

Then it all fell apart again...love these little buggers too!

We had a lovely weekend full of dance performances, wrapping, and fun with friends. I love when we can actually enjoy the Christmas holiday rather than being stressed out about it. I owe a lot of that to online shopping! Thanks to my friends for having us!

Makes My Monday

2011-12-19T06:49:00.002-05:00

Thanks Cheryl...

Little One had her dance performance this weekend. After her group was finished, Big Boy stood up and screamed "GREAT JOB, HAILEY!" at the top of his lungs. That moment makes my Monday.

Cawfee Tawk

2011-12-18T08:41:00.002-05:00

Today's questions:

What is your favorite holiday television special?
When you buy new underwear, do you wash it first?
If you could live anywhere for 6 months, where would it be?
What is your least favorite meal of the day and why?
Do you think that people who wear fingerless gloves look homeless?
Are you a texter? Or a talker?
Have you been naughty? Or nice?

My turn:

What is your favorite holiday television special? I love It's a Wonderful Life...it was a gift from someone special. I don't think I ever would have watched it if it weren't for that.
When you buy new underwear, do you wash it first? I don't...is that gross?
If you could live anywhere for 6 months, where would it be? Italy. My family is from there and I'd love to trace those roots. I'd do that for about a month and then travel around for the other 5. It just intrigues me.
What is your least favorite meal of the day and why? Breakfast...I just don't think there are enough choices and when you do talk about more choices, they all involve dough-y things and I just don't like dough!
Do you think that people who wear fingerless gloves look homeless? Personally, I love the comfort and usefulness of fingerless gloves, but Husband thinks they make me look homeless.
Are you a texter? Or a talker? Some people I like to talk to, but mostly, I'm a texter.
Have you been naughty? Or nice? I am not really sure, but according to Husband, I've been very nice. He keeps telling me that I'm going to have a very good Christmas...I just can't wait.

Your turn! Just leave a comment that you're having Cawfee with me today and link back!

Hailey's Christmas Dance Performance

2011-12-17T13:21:00.001-05:00

Good Lord, People!

2011-12-17T08:59:00.000-05:00

Clarifications:

I am in charge of getting the preschool teachers gift cards from the ENTIRE CLASS! We collected money so that the teachers could get a few big gifts rather than 18 small ones. I wouldn't give a teacher $50 regularly...what do you think we are? The Rockefellers???
I give gifts to my mail person and garbage men because the go above and beyond. I can't tell you the amount of cardboard boxes that we put out that aren't broken down or tied up (like you're supposed to) and they take them anyway...

That is all.

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-12-16T16:10:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Danifred for wrapping my week up right!

I have no idea why, but I've started this phenomenon in my house called "Baby Pancake." It started by accidentally dripping some batter onto the skillet and giving it to one of the Crazies and now, every time we have pancakes, they want the Baby Pancake. One day there were twins and everyone was happy...it's the little things.

I didn't feel well this morning and beat myself up over letting the Crazies watch a few hours of television while munching on dry cereal...I'm over it now, but what was that all about??? I typically let myself off the hook...WTH??

We did make it out of the house to do Husband's surprise and hit up the library. I went with the "if you look good, you feel good" theory...it worked.

I love having our tree on during the day. Matt told me that we shouldn't do it because it was "daytime and the lights don't show up as well," but I'm choosing to ignore him and his logical thinking.

I figured out one really difficult thing that comes along with having twins 3-year olds. You know that moment when you're just about to lose your mind and you decide to walk away and close the door for a minute? You know that moment, right? The moment right before you do something you don't want to do. The moment you absolutely NEED to get back under control? Well, as soon as I walk away from that situation that is making me want to jump off a bridge, there is another Crazy in another maddening debacle and I don't get the break that I really need...I'm talking like a 30 second break to take some deep breaths and gather myself to act like the adult that I believe myself to be. I don't get that and sometimes, it's really hard.

I don't complain a lot...as a matter of fact, I often say to myself that having twins is just like having two kids, but the stark difference is that I'm dealing with two at the same exact developmental level. I can't say to one, "go and close your door, I need to deal with this" because she wants to be in on the action. She doesn't get that this could be a volatile situation and that if she doesn't want to get kicked in the face by her out-of-control brother, it would be better to walk away. So, she gets kicked in the face...can't say I didn't warn you. There is no logic.

I swear that next year will be the year that I'll have a stash of gifts for those people that I always forget...like the swim teacher (who sweetly gave the kids painting books) and the dance teacher and anyone else that happens to pop up.

I am pretty proud of myself for getting something for the mail lady this year...a bath bomb from LUSH. I love this damn store. Now, what to get for the garbage dudes...

I'm in charge of getting gift cards for the preschool teachers this year. I already got them $50 each for a local restaurant...what else would be a good idea? Maybe Kohl's...everyone goes to Kohl's, right?

I'm looking forward to our weekend...quick dinner out and grocery shopping tonight. Hailey's Winter dance performance tomorrow. Wrapping tomorrow night. Manicure Sunday followed by dinner at a friend's house...a yearly event. I love Christmas!

Ten Things for Thursday

2011-12-15T06:43:00.003-05:00

10 things I love:

Coming downstairs in the morning and turning on the Christmas tree.
The fact that Husband just about squeals whenever he sees that the Charlie Brown Christmas special is going to be on.
Seeing the Crazies search around for Kringle (our elf).
Having surprises in store for the Crazies (we have one tomorrow, but I have to wait until Christmas to unveil).
The way Matt lines up his trucks...I find little lines of things all over the house. His tendency toward OCD warms my heart.
The fact that I'm lucky enough to complain about too many presents to wrap.
Hailey's fat lip (received in Kids' Zone yesterday after tussling with some boys) and the fact that she calls it her "wip."
My manicure.
Sushi.
The fact that Kringle left me a note today too!

10 things I hate:

The fact that politicians are trying to get away with calling a Christmas Tree a "Holiday Tree." It's associated with Christmas...always has been. I'm sure the other religions don't exactly find solace in your decision to include them in a tradition that isn't theirs.
Laundry.
Dog who is apparently shedding like it's her job.
Stuffed animals.
Anything that comes in the mail that isn't a Christmas card.
Rude people (yes, lady who stepped in front of me in line the other day while my hands were ridiculously full...I'm glad your barely full cart was causing you so much stress that you just had to jump in front).
Ribbon that isn't satin and when I try to decorate with it b/c I don't have any satin ribbon, it looks like shit.
The dude that tailgated me all the way to tutoring yesterday...seriously, you psycho...you have issues.
Barbara Walters Most Fascinating People Special...seriously, most of those people were pretty damn annoying, if you ask me (except for Derek Jeter...I love you, honey!).
My cough.

10 things I don't give a shit about:

Getting in a frenzy to bake Christmas cookies...it'll get done.
Wrapping...it'll get done.
Putting the Crazies' outside toys back in the shed...which is why they're still sitting on my deck.
Making my bed.
Michael Buble (is it me? Or does he always seem drunk?)
What gift to get for the garbage men...I know it's nice to do, but they're so hard to buy for!
Politics.
Hollywood.
Bathing Suit Season...and anyone who uses that phrase.
Shaving above my knee.

Oh, and I'm over here today! Go check me out...apparently I'm into lists today!

Feel free to borrow this blog idea...it's great for those days that you have a lot to say, but just don't know how to say it!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

Without me knowing, Husband wrote these letters from our elf, Kringle.

Cinderella got in on the action.

This girl was really psyched.

I think this kid was a little freaked out that Kringle is watching so closely.

Breakfast with Santa that Husband braved alone since I was in Boston...he's a good Daddy!

Terrible Tuesdays - Who's Screwed You Over Lately?

2011-12-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

So, if you'll remember yesterday's post, we spent the weekend trimming our tree.

Let's just be clear about one thing.

When I say "we," I really me "me."

I did the whole fucking thing.

I know, I know...I posted pictures of Matt and Hailey hanging ornaments on the tree, but then they deserted me.

Anyway, I thought it would be cute to set my camera to the interval timer and take a picture every three minutes.

I don't know if you'd call it cute, but it certainly is entertaining.

So, we all started out together. I would instruct the Crazies on ornament placement and maximum limb weight...very educational.

Then they vanished!

If you're wondering what happened next, keep reading.

Look at this beautiful ornament! Let's decorate the tree together! Look, Daddy! LOOK!!!

Okay, gotta hydrate before we continue decorating and, Husband, put on some Christmas songs, okay? Perfect!

I feel pretty, oh so pretty...where the fuck is everyone, anyway??? I never pose like this in front of anyone else...just for my own amusement!

Hi! Still me, all by myself...look how good I am at putting this ornament on the tree. This is getting a little annoying...where IS everyone!?! Oh, who cares...they'd probably just annoy me anyway.

Oh, man...now I'm kinda sad. This was supposed be a fun family activity...now I'm all alone...

Oh, well...fuck it...let's party!!!

That's right you aholes...you'd better get your asses to work before I'm completely sauced! You never know what's going to happen when I break out the vodka (that's been in the freezer since August and is probably totally rank by now).

Oh WOW! Here I am...alone again! Well, you know what you get for leaving me alone? I'm going to put these ugly Martha Stewart birds on the tree this year...yeah...that's what you get for leaving me all alone!

It's MY tree...all MINE! You guys can't even LOOK at it!

And that's how the tree REALLY got trimmed...

Makes My Monday - Trimmers

2011-12-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Cheryl...Mondays are more fun this way!

10 points to the person who guesses what movie had the Crazies (and the dump truck, apparently) so entranced that they forgot to eat their dinner...

Cawfee Tawk

2011-12-11T07:36:00.001-05:00

Here are this mornings questions that I'd ask you if we were sitting at Starbucks enjoying a peppermint mocha (instead of settling for a Keurig Chai Tea b/c you ran out of coffee and haven't made it to Kohl's yet):

1. How was your week?

2. What was the one thing you wanted to get done this weekend?

3. Did you get it done?

4. What is one popular holiday "tradition" that you will just never understand?

5. Is there a gift that you bought for someone this Christmas that you're totally nervous about?

6. Are you going to be able to attend church services this year?

7. What are you wearing right now? If you house burned down and you had to run outside, do you look acceptable enough to be interviewed by the local news??

Here are my answers:

1. How was your week? Good. We accomplished a lot. I didn't have any tutoring students cancel. Although Hailey's change in sleeping is killing me. She sleeps with way too much crap in her bed and I'm going to have to fight that battle tonight. I'm not looking forward to it.

2. What was the one thing you wanted to get done this weekend? We wanted to get our Christmas Village house and our Christmas tree.

3. Did you get it done? Yes...and it was a pretty stressLESS process. We found an awesome shop in the process too...an amazing amount of Christmas stuff.

4. What is one popular holiday "tradition" that you will just never understand? If you're friends with me on FB, you'll know that I didn't understand this 12/5 St. Nick thing. I still don't really get it, but now I get that it's a European thing and the kids are supposed to get candies and treats in their stockings. The thing I still don't understand is WHY? And why does it happen on December 5th. And am I making a mistake by putting our stockings out on Christmas Eve? Does Santa think I'm "behind the times" because I should have done it on 12/5? Why are kids getting presents BEFORE Christmas? Am I mean b/c I think that's just too nice? LOL

5. Is there a gift that you bought for someone this Christmas that you're totally nervous about? Yup...I went out on a limb for Sister and I'm a bit nervous. I'll get over it though b/c you can return everything, right?

6. Are you going to be able to attend church services this year? We're really going to try. We've had issues other years b/c of nap schedules and stuff, but we'd really like to go this year. I love to sit in the sanctuary and sing Christmas carols among the poinsettias, but we'll see. They only have services on Christmas Eve and we're not sure what time we're expected at SIL's yet. We'll figure it out.

7. What are you wearing right now? If you house burned down and you had to run outside, do you look acceptable enough to be interviewed by the local news?? Oh Good lord...I'm wearing pink and white striped pants, a green t-shirt with a hole in the armpit (how do I get holes in my armpit...are my pits really working that hard?), and my zebra striped robe. No, I don't think I'd want to get interviewed...this is just scary.

Your turn!

20 Questions - Christmas Style (okay, there are 24 questions, but who's counting?)

2011-12-10T07:56:00.001-05:00

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. Even though I can't stand doing it, I love the way it looks when all of those sparkly packages are under the tree. It's gift bags for other people though...after all, I can't see under their tree!

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real. If I had my way, we'd have a perfectly lit fake tree, but Husband reigns supreme around Christmas time (plus, he takes care of it).

3. When do you put up the tree? Today!!!!!

4. When do you take the tree down? We try to wait until after New Year's, but it might be sooner than that this year...our house is so dry that it'll probably be like taking a piece of tree jerky out of here!

5. Do you like eggnog? Only if it's spiked.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Jem and the Hollograms Stage.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes...it's up in our dining room. The Crazies want to know if they're going to see Mary and Baby Jesus on Christmas...that should be an interested explanation.

8. Hardest person to buy for? Husband...he's such a good gift giver. I always feel like I'm letting him down.

9. Easiest person to buy for? ME!

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail...it's the only time of year that I love to get the mail.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A red loose knit sweater with a rhinestone encrusted zipper to the side of the neck...ya know, in case I wanted my sweater to morph into an even uglier turtleneck.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I'll go with Christmas Story (Ralphie) or Christmas Vacation...Oooooh...or It's a Wonderful Life.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Early November.

14. Ever recycled a Christmas present? Possibly some of my teaching presents.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Cookies...I only like one or two, but they're the best when they're just a few minutes out of the oven and you're burning your lips on still melting chocolate chips. Then I have to switch to dip...any kind of dip will do!

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? White lights all the way!

17. Favorite Christmas song? That one by Josh Groban where he's like "Gloooooooria." That's da bomb.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home...we're traveling around Christmas, but we're really trying to start our own family traditions at Christmas. I'm sure as the Crazies get older, we'll ease up on this, but we only get these years for a little while. We've gotta milk it for all it's worth, so in a few years when they're saying, "I didn't get this computer game..." or "this is the worst Christmas EVER!" we have good memories.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yes...I'm proud of that.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel...we just got a new one this year after a few years of searching. Finding the prefect tree topper is TOUGH!

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? We used to do gifts from each other on Christmas Eve and then Santa in the morning. I think we'll do all gifts Christmas morning this year.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Stupid people, but that's a year long thing. It's just that more of them come out of their holes around Christmas.

23. Favorite ornament, theme, or color? I love sparkle and silver and gold. Anything obnoxious goes in our house. My wreath on my front door is made out of Christmas balls...Husband fought me on it, but I adore it.

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? I really want to see the Crazies' faces light up again and again. Advent has been fun this year because they get excited at the littlest thing. They're so fun at this age and I'm going to just soak it all in (and block out the whining, the fighting, and the pouting).

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-12-09T15:28:00.001-05:00

Thanks Danifred...I needed this!

Went to see Santa today.

He was supposed to be there at 9:00.

The dude in his important looking black shirt told me Santa didn't start until 10:00.

The humongous sign said otherwise.

The dude didn't seem to acknowledge this even when it was pointed out to him.

The dude was intellectually challenged, I guess...or just a huge asshole...whatever.

We did some shit...bought makeup and looked at boots.

I realize the Crazies have immaculate taste in boots.

We came back and were 2nd in line.

We waited for another 15 minutes until they vacuumed the fucking carpet...ya know, so people could walk on it all day long.

We get in the gates and Matt immediately goes limp.

Matt crawls back to the stroller like he's a baby.

Matt screams "I DON'T WANNA SEE SANTA!!! I DON'T YIKE SANTA!!!"

Hailey climbs on Santa's lap unassisted.

I kneel down to Matt and hiss, "This is your chance...this is your chance to see Santa. Don't blow it."

I realize it's a good thing I'm not a pageant Mom.

Then a lightbulb appears over my head.

I hiss, "If you go sit on that man's lap right now, you'll get a pretzel."

Matt sprints over to Santa's lap.

He's fine.

The dude takes the picture.

Santa is very nice to the Crazies.

He tells them to listen to me and not to fuss so much.

I slip him a $20.

We get to the place with the computer, images, and other people in important looking black shirts.

They show me the pictures.

I choose the least offensive.

They tell me to choose my package.

I ask where the one is that I've bought for the last two years.

They don't do that anymore.

I choose the cheapest one instead...after all, I own a scanner.

They try to upsell me.

I promptly turn them down.

The Crazies gymnastically climb back into the stroller with the visions of pretzels dancing in their heads.

I pay.

I inform them that a nearby school district has a half day, mention that a lot of people will probably be at the mall, and wish them luck.

There's a nice "fuck you" for making me waste an hour of my life.

I shove my expensive new photos in the stroller.

We go to get our pretzel.

On the way there, the Crazies are literally kicking the shit out of each other in the stroller.

I stop.

Hailey does something nasty and I tell her she's about to get a time-out.

Matt promptly gives me a thumbs up and says, "Yeah, Mom...give her a time out."

I giggle (inappropriately, but it breaks the tension).

Matt then says, "Can you just leave this girl here and we'll go get our pretzels?"

I question his sanity...and whether or not he really knows her name.

We get our pretzels.

The dude asks if I want a drink.

He has no idea how badly I want a fucking drink.

I politely ask for a small diet coke.

He has to screw all of the fucking things on the soda machine before pouring my diet coke.

I restrain myself from asking why he couldn't just screw on the one for the diet coke and let me be on my way.

We walk away.

I break pretzels into fifty smaller pieces...realize I should have gotten the pretzel nuggets. DUR.

I enter the Loft.

I feel at peace.

I buy myself three shirts for no good reason.

Again, the Crazies and their impeccable taste help me in the dressing room (which I couldn't close the door because the stroller wouldn't fit and some bitch with only one child and a much smaller stroller was in the handicapped room...this, and my Grand Canyon belly button, is why I always wear a tank top under my clothes).

BTW, Matt tells me everything looks great and tells me to buy everything.

I love this kid.

Hailey tells me which color she likes best and why.

I love this kid.

We go up to pay and the Crazies are one again kicking the living shit out of each other, but this time they've added throwing their sippies at me while screaming, "I DONE!!! I DONE WIT DIS!"

I smile at the sales associate and she smiles back...she gets it.

I hiss at them something about how they're so close to Santa and he's seeing all of this.

They don't even flinch.

We leave.

I hear an audible relieved sigh as we walk out the door.

We visit another store for some of Husband's gifts.

The Crazies begin shouting all of the colors in the world at me b/c that's why they want to get for Dad.

I quickly get our shit and head for the cashier.

I see another Mom with a very small baby (and a very expensive diaper bag).

I compliment her on her diaper bag.

She tells me who made it...some Petunia Pig Lips thing...I don't know about these things anymore (nor did I really care if we're being honest).

I mumble something about it being so huge for such a little baby (remember, I never used a diaper bag).

Matthew screams at the top of his lungs and Hailey smacks him in the face.

She looks at me.

I tell her something along the lines of, "Yeah...I used to look at kids too and say it would never be my kid, but it'll happen to you one day too. It will shock you at first, but you get used to it."

She puts her shit on hold...I'm pretty sure b/c she didn't want to talk to me anymore.

I scare people.

Her baby was cute, but I felt bad for her b/c of the whole pierced ears on a baby thing.

No judgement...I just feel bad.

Oh, and I'm probably a little bit jealous b/c I can't wear earrings and that little tiny baby can.

WTF?

We visit Williams Sonoma, but seriously...there is way too much shit in there. It's ridiculous. I won't even go into how many displays I ruined in there.

We leave through Macy's and I stop to talk with my favorite Origins associate.

I'm pretty sure she hates me though b/c I never buy anything from her.

I love her though.

She gave me some awesome aromatherapy shit on my hands and it instantly relaxed me.

Like I said, I love her.

I was sniffing my fingers like a coke addict though...that's kinda weird.

As we make our way to the door, the Crazies are asking questions like, "how did those ornaments get up there?" and "why does that man with no head have lights around his shoulders?" and "who gets to open all of those presents?"

We stop by the door to get our shit together because I know someone is going to stalk me for my fucking awesome parking spot.

We fight about who is and is not going to wear a jacket into the parking lot.

Hailey loses...that's what she gets for choosing a dress with short sleeves.

I back my ass up into the door and some sweet new mother with her baby carrier all strapped up perfectly helps me out.

I tell her how jealous I am b/c I could never wear one of those.

It's really because her baby is quiet though.

As predicted, we are stalked for our fucking awesome parking spot.

I yank each Crazy from the stroller.

Hailey's screaming about not wanting to wear her jacket, so I throw her in and tell her to take it off.

Sniff fingers.

I start to get Matt out and he goes boneless...like a wet blanket.

Sniff fingers.

My hernia starts to act up.

I yank him out and go around to the other side of the car.

He's strapped in...done.

Sniff fingers.

I go back to the stroller and start to get my bags out.

Sniff fingers.

The lady is still waiting for me.

I don't even glance in her direction.

Sniff fingers.

I go back to the stroller.

Hailey wails, "I want the rest of my pretzel!!!"

Sniff fingers.

I strap her in...done.

I put the bags in the trunk.

I pull the remnants of the pretzel (that she will forget about in 3.6 seconds) out of the stroller.

I lug the stroller into the trunk and congratulate myself for remembering to pull the pretzel back out before closing it.

Sniff fingers.

I hoist my ass into the drivers' seat and start to hand out snacks while simultaneously turning Frosty on the DVD player (a treat...typically I tell them that the DVD player doesn't work if we haven't been in the car for an hour).

I back out of my space (again without glancing at the stalker)...done.

Sniff, sniff, sniff...

So, I'm done...officially done. I REALLY hope I don't have to go back to the mall.

Here is our picture (yes, I took a picture of a picture even though, as I mentioned, I have a scanner...don't judge me...I am that lazy):

I told Hailey to keep her legs closed because she was wearing a dress. She replied, "Dat's right...we don't want everyone seeing my Honey." We have no idea why she calls it a Honey, but we love it. I'm pretty such Santa appreciates such advice as well.

UPDATED: How did I get through "sniff fingers" so many times without saying "that's what she said?"

Also, Hailey never asked for the fucking pretzel...and I completely neglected to mention that she fought with me b/c she insisted I said "present" and not "pretzel." That was fun too.

Matt-isms

2011-12-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

Hailey was really upset one morning this week b/c I accidentally hit the button on her owl and it wasn't green anymore. She cried for 15 minutes (only one of which I paid her any attention b/c I have TWO kids to get dressed and ready for preschool). Matt was up on the stool to have his teeth brushed and the following ensued:

M: Hailey, why you cwyin?

H: Because my owl's not Gween anymore...

M: Don't be sad (touches her face). I'll be nice to you.

H: (confused look b/c he's touching her nicely)

M: Your owl will be gween again later on and den you can be happy, otay?

H: (nodding) Okay...I love you.

M: I love you too.

(bends down to hug her...tantrum over)

At the end of naps the other day, Matt calls down to tell me that his owl is green and can he get out of bed. I tell him yes, but I guess in the process we woke Her Majesty from her slumber. She starts crying like she's scared and before I can even make it up the stairs, the following ensues:

M: (jumps out of bed, opens his door, runs to her door, opens her door, and kneels down beside her)

H: Waaaahhhhh...

M: (stroking her back) It's otay...you're otay. I love you...you might have had a bad dream.

Both were checking out the Fisher-Price catalog...the following ensued:

H: I want dis from Santa.

M: Sorry, but I don't think he can fit dat in his sweigh...

H: Oh, okay, den I don't want it.

These are pretty typical throughout the day:

"Haiwey, dis is what makes me weally weally mad."
"How many times do I hafta tell you about dis?"
"Mooommm...I need some help wit dis."
"I'm afwaid that Haiwey won't get pwesents because she's being so loud at naptime."

He's cracking me up folks, seriously...

Check him out from last Christmas...the cuteness kills me. When did he get so BIG!?!

I had to include the little Troublemaker too...she just cracks me up!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-07T06:00:00.000-05:00

Shades

Matt with Mallet = scary times

Can't have one without the other

The death of my dreams of tiny white sparkling lights...

And the outside is decorated...we have one more window to do and then pictures will follow...this is a grueling process, but our house looks pretty damn cute (even if we require constantly flowing air for half of our decorations).

Stupid Things...

2011-12-06T12:40:00.001-05:00

Source: boomerbabiesupcycles.blogspot.com via Rebecca on Pinterest

Ya know, like feed the Crazies lunch, address Christmas cards, screw off on FB...I hate rainy days.

Sleep, sleep, sleep...

2011-12-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

Since we've been in big beds, Matthew has slept so much better. He actually told me the other day, "Mommy, I love sleeping." I'm totally with you, kid. If you'll remember, it was Matt's sleeping/staying awake crap that led us to switch them to their own rooms in the first place.

You can imagine my recent surprise that Hailey has been a total PITA when it comes not only to naps, but to bed time as well. I'm over it. I'm sick of fighting and giving her time-outs every.single.day because she doesn't want to nap. I'm tired of her throwing herself against the door as I leave. I'm tired of explaining what activities she can do during "Quiet Time" and what activities are off limits. I'm tired of going in at bed time 18,000,000 times so that she can tell me to move her stuffies or that she needs to sleep "right here."

So, I complained about it...publicly and shamelessly.

I was given understanding nods and the "I've been there" sighs by my friends.

That wasn't much help though.

I also overheard my yoga instructor complaining about her child's sleeplessness.

WHAT??? My Zen Master also has irritating children? How does she remain centered???

Then, I then rudely said, "What are you guys talking about? Is your child a total PITA lately too?"

I was warmly welcomed into the conversation and given a great idea.

There was a woman there who has 4 kids...ranging in age from 3 to 10. She's also ridiculous flexible thanks to a lifetime of gymnastics, but we won't get into that...let's just say that there's a reason she has 4 kids. I might have a lot of sex too if my body could do half of what hers does.

I digress.

Her second child wouldn't stay in bed at sleep times...she threw herself at the door, tried to get out, climbed the gate they used, and eventually started setting up camp right at the gate...blankets, stuffies, pillow, the whole nine yards.

Then she started leaving three pennies in her daughter's room.

She would put her daughter in her bed, tuck her in, and say good night.

If she had to come in, she would take a penny.

If she had any pennies left by morning, her daughter could put them in her piggy bank.

I struggled with this because I am not one for paying my children for good behavior, but on the other hand, I did give them M&Ms for potty training, right? I do give them dessert in exchange for finishing their meals, right? How is this much different?

Because it's money...that's how.

Okay, but at the same time, it's also a punishment because I'm taking something away if they misbehave...just like I would do if they were awake.

So, we tried it last night...actually, I tried it at nap time with Hailey yesterday and it worked like a charm. I don't think she actually napped, but she was quiet until her owl turned green (yes, those things are still working).

Husband put three coins in each Crazy's bedroom. I explained what the deal was.

We kissed good night, gave hugs, and tucked Crazies in.

It was quiet...disturbingly quiet. It's never this quiet in our house after bedtime, but it was.

As I was packing to go to Boston this weekend, I noticed that Matthew's light was on...W.T.F.????

I marched in there and said, "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" I dramatically switched the light off and audibly took a coin.

Silence.

He did call Husband in to make sure that I did, indeed, take a coin. Husband confirmed. All was quiet again.

WTH?

Did that really just work?

I'm flabbergasted.

I also used them one morning with Hailey. She was up way too early pissed off because she "didn't want to go to sleep." Not my fault, kid...you went to sleep...deal with it.

She was really not taking "no" for an answer. So, I told her she could get the coin she lost the previous night back if she waited for her owl to turn green.

It worked.

WTF??

SERIOUSLY?

I can't believe it's working...what works for you?

Makes My Monday - Showering

2011-12-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Cheryl...author of my favorite twins book EVER!

Amazing cake made by my sister's SIL

Favors...homemade peanut butter bonbons and my mother's famous Sandies

The Expectant Couple

Let's get started! She glows, right?

Party Planners

Cheesy shot that actually came out cute!

Sistahs

Cousins

What a great weekend! I can't wait to meet this little nugget. I loved Sister's dress. I actually missed the Crazies. Husband did great (of course). I'm back home and ready to concentrate on Christmas!!!

How was YOUR weekend??

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-12-01T15:51:00.001-05:00

Thanks, Danifred!

Tomorrow is Sister's baby shower.

It's a bit early (she's not due until the beginning of March), but we were really nervous to do it in January/February due to Boston's infamous winters.

I can't wait though.

There has been a lot of preparation.

And a little bit of stress.

I can handle stress though.

I feel bad for leaving Husband with the Crazies again...they'll be busy though. They have a breakfast with Santa tomorrow as well as Tae Kwon Do. That should wear them out nicely.

I'm 75% packed...that's a miracle.

Today is busy...grocery shopping, an hour at Hopper's (new bouncy house place), lunch, naps (I've been putting them down earlier...good suggestion, my friend), finish packing, wait for Husband to arrive, kiss him good-bye, head to the airport, have a glass of wine, fly to Boston.

This whole week has been busy.

Siri is definitely keeping me on track.

I haven't taken a lot of picture of our Christmas decorations yet, but they're really shaping up. It's amazing what a few years of doing the same thing will do. It just seemed easier this year. It probably helped that we started the outside a few weeks before Thanksgiving.

No, we didn't light up, but still...the hard part was done.

I'm collecting for the preschool teachers' Christmas gift...we're trying to give one big gift to each teacher as opposed to a bazillion smaller gifts. It's actually a great idea and, as a former teacher, I think the teacher will appreciate it more. I always hated to get $5 to B.arnes & Nob.le b/c you still have to put out some of your own money. Imagine if you're an elementary school teacher and you get 25 different gift cards to 25 different places...it just doesn't make sense.

I also threw away anything homemade...I've seen kids cook...it's not pretty.

I have an underlying sickness left over from the Crazies. I'm pretty sure that after traveling this weekend with the general public (gag), I'll have a full blown sickness. All of my symptoms are hiding out until I get through this shower...after which they'll attack me with a vengeance.

The "Christmas Closet" downstairs looks like so much fun. We're pretty much done shopping for the Crazies. I'll take a picture of it soon...it's amazing.

Until I realize I have to wrap all that shit.

Bah-humbug.

Somehow, as we were rotating our mattress last night, I pissed Husband off to the point of him telling me to leave so he could do it himself. Nice to know I don't have to help in the future...that's a freaking hard job!

I still give him MAJOR props for this weekend...he's a rockstar!

Moments

2011-12-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

There are many moments that have been creeping their way into my mind lately...whether they're disturbing, weird, or just plain freaky, they are on my mind and I must share.

Don't "disturbing," "weird," and "just plain freaky" mean the same thing? Yes, I'm being nominated for that very important writing award that starts with a P. Don't be jealous. My writing is awesome.

Anywho, here are my moments:

The moment you reach your hand into the garbage disposal and pray to God that it doesn't spontaneously turn on.
The moment that you are finally convinced that the little black speck that you keep seeing in your field of vision is, indeed, a bug and you're actually not losing your sight.
The moment you realize your children are beating the living shit out of each other rather than just actively playing.
The moment that the one question your daughter had for you at 3:17 AM is turning into a game of 20 Questions.
The moment you realize you've slept through your alarm and you didn't shower the previous day, so you can't even skip that.
The moment you sit down on a public restroom seat only to realize that it's disturbingly warm.
The moment that you realize that a really cool function of your new iPhone is to reverse the camera so you can take a picture of yourself, but it's 6AM when you catch a glimpse of yourself. THEN you wonder how anyone could possibly wake up next to you and want to have sex with you...EVER.
The moment that you realized you just encouraged your son to pee in the bath that you have no intention of redrawing...and then he plunges face down to "swim."
The moment you sit down on the toilet and realize you forgot your phone. What on Earth will you do NOW? Actually take a crap???
The moment you realize you just wrote a blog post including some pretty disturbing things about yourself, but don't care at all because these things happen to everyone.

What are some of your moments?

Wordless Wednesday (mostly)

2011-11-30T06:46:00.001-05:00

Rudy!

This just about says it all.

The Looking Glass.

Grandparents.

Naughty pandas.

Do you think I got a kiss?

No.more.pictures.

Meltdown.

Tuesday's Tidbit

2011-11-29T07:07:00.001-05:00

The Crazies took a super long nap yesterday...typically I love this, but I knew that the later they slept, the later they'd go to bed, so I decided to try and wake them up.

Me: Who wants to rub Mommy's belly...I have a belly ache.

SILENCE

Me: Seriously? You guys...Mommy.has.a.belly.ache. Help me! Who wants to rub Mommy's belly?

Hailey (in the smallest voice ever): Me.

Me: Great...

(I make myself comfortable on her bed and she begins my belly rub.)

Me: Hailey, will you take care of me when I'm an old lady?

Hailey: Yes, I will, but Matt won't because he's a mean guy...ya know?

(cue hysterical laughter)

I love these kids (even though they are absolutely out of control sometimes...remember when going away used to take those little babies off of their sleep schedule? Well, now it gives them a huge entitled attitude that needs to be adjusted every 2 seconds).

Makes My Monday - If You Can't Beat Your Kids, Do This...

2011-11-28T06:00:00.000-05:00

Head over to Cheryl's for more Monday musings!

After a long weekend of traveling and decorating, we were battling two insistent Crazies who just didn't want to go down for sleep. After several trips upstairs and multiples eye rolls between the two of us, Husband and I had just settled down to unwind for the night. All of the sudden, I see something inside the lamp and chaos ensues. After all, no one likes a creature like this in your house...but if you're fed up with your real life, you can beat the living shit out of this creature...and your creature killer, apparently.

"I think I got it!"

The dog hair is complimentary...you can thank me later. It does show you the scale of this nasty moth though, does it not?

"Yes, you can get me a new bug killer for Christmas! Great idea!"

You guys...we were rolling after this. I think we were just so freaking stressed out by how bad bedtimes have been lately that we needed this kind of chaos tonight. So, if you can't beat your kids, you can beat the crap out of a bug...after all, there's no such thing as Bug Protective Services, right?

Cawfee Talk II

2011-11-27T14:45:00.001-05:00

If we were going out for coffee, this is what I'd ask you:

1. What word in the English language just drives you nuts?

2. Tell me about your favorite holiday decoration.

3. Snow globes...love them? Or hate them?

4. How was your Thanksgiving?

5. Do you feel that people leave enough time to socialize these days?

6. If you could have one food every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?

7. What are the three words you'd use right now to describe your husband?

1. What word in the English language just drives you nuts? "moist"

2. Tell me about your favorite holiday decoration. I love our collection of Department 56 village houses. I never thought I would, but I do. My favorite is Radio City Music Hall...complete with The Rockettes, of course.

3. Snow globes...love them? Or hate them? Hate them, but can't turn away...why do I purchase these heavy, useless things???

4. How was your Thanksgiving? Great...relaxing and enjoyable. I wish the Crazies hadn't been sick and I wish that there was some way to fit in both families, but other than those two things, it was lovely.

5. Do you feel that people leave enough time to socialize these days? Nope...I really don't and it brings me down. I keep trying to have parties, but end up canceling them due to lack of interest. It used to be that people would blow off sports and things like that to go to a party, but now that doesn't happen. People are so damn BUSY (or they just don't like me, but I refuse to accept that).

6. If you could have one food every day for the rest of your life, what would it be? I used to say sushi, but then I had it 2 days in a row and thought I'd die of a sodium overload. Now I think it would be chocolate. Not only are there tons of options, but it makes me feel better.

7. What are the three words you'd use right now to describe your husband? Hot, Griswold, good.

What would YOUR answers be? Play along and link back...wouldn't it be fun to have coffee together?

Friday Night Leftovers - Confessions

2011-11-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Danifred for hosting.

Here are my confessions (God, they're so PG...I used to be much more fun in my twenties):

I'm afraid to check on Hailey before I go to bed. She always wakes up and says "what are you doin in here? I'm twying to sweep." She scares the crap out of me.
I love The Sing-Off.
I was kind of glad that Hailey had to miss school on Monday. Not because she was sick, but because it meant me HAVING to skip my ultra-difficult workout class that makes me use the handicapped bars in public restrooms for days.
Running errands with one sick child in the rain is so much easier than two.
I really debated on spending Thanksgiving at home by ourselves b/c the Crazies were sick. It would have been sad, but you know how awesome it is to be sick and in your own bed...oh well. They're surviving.
I don't like turkey.
I admire Husband for getting Hailey's stroller in the car b/c I would have left that shit behind in a heartbeat.
It's cool to see the Crazies being the "big kids" around their cousin.
I get really pissed when I hear an audible yawn come out of the mouths of the Crazies in the middle of the night after they've been up for hours...really pissed. I just want to scream "YOU DIDN'T EARN THAT YAWN! YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DOING ANYTHING BUT KEEPING ME AWAKE, BUT IF THAT MAKES YOU SO FREAKING SLEEPY THAT I NEED TO HEAR YOUR YAWN, HAVE AT IT!!!"
Yes, I'm bitter about not getting sleep.
I have bugged the shit out of Husband this week about two things...a manicure and the iPhone. I got both of them...guess persistence pays off after all.
I will never understand Black Friday...ever. My luck will be that Hailey insists on going at some point and I fall in love with it and become one of those crazy people out at midnight. If that happens, just shoot me.
We thought we were really smart purchasing sleeping bags for the Crazies for this weekend...turns out, you have to train kids how to sleep in sleeping bags or they just toss themselves all over the place like Crazies.

Source: potterybarnkids.com via Rebecca on Pinterest

Those are not my kids.
I want to punch Miss Piggy in the face.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-23T06:43:00.001-05:00

I'm thankful for personalities...big and beautiful personalities.

Candy Land = Family Wrecker

2011-11-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

Husband's Bright Idea: "Let's have a family game night. I'll do the dishes while you get Candy Land out. I brought it downstairs already."

What I Heard: "I'll do the dishes."

What Hailey Thought: "Cool...a pretty picture that I can touch. I'll sit very well and follow instructions."

What Matt Thought: "Time to act like a huge prick."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

everything in italics was in my head or muttered through my teeth

Okay, ready to hear the directions?

Yes!

NO!

(grabs phone)

Pick a player.

I want green...it's my favorite color with red and orange, but orange first. That's my real favorite color and Hailey will be blue.

O-tay!

Great...let's get started. I'll hold the cards.

No...I wanna hold the cards.

Sorry, it says in the directions that an adult has a hold the cards.

(scowl)

(smile)

(blissful ignorance with his phone)

Great...I got double red.

My turn! I got yeyyow!

Dad, it's your turn...ahem, Daddy...

Oh, okay, I got the popsicle.

Wow, you guys! Daddy gets to be almost to the end! That's amazing!

(Who the fuck picks that on their first turn?)

I wanna get to da end...wight now! I wanna win!

Matt, ready? It's your turn. What did you draw?

I got bwue...I don't yike bwue. I need anutter card.

Sorry, you only get one card. We'll see what you get next time.

No, I want orange or I'm not pwaying.

Well, let's try for orange next time, okay? Move your guy.

I don't want to.

Okay, great...my turn (with forced optimism)! Oh wow...I got double orange!

(Great...that's just fucking great. I just started WWIII.)

Dat's MY FAVORITE CARD!!! I NEED IT!

It's my turn though, so I'm going to move my guy (wrestling to move my piss yellow dude while Matt is trying to move his guy to the orange spot rather than the blue one that he so rightfully earned).

I got cupcake!

Great...put your man on the cupcake...good job!

Daddy...your turn...

Wow. Double orange...

(OMG...another meltdown to occur over double orange...I swear that Matt's head is going to spin off of his body!)

Great job, Daddy...congratulate Daddy you guys...he's almost finished with the game (what in the world will he do with himself then, huh?)

I want two oranges...they're MINE!

(Daddy, put your fucking phone down and help me discipline this kid...you're making me CRAZY!!!)

Well, let's see what you draw.

ARGGGHHHHH...purple!?! I don't yike purple...(throwing dude across the room).

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Hailey, you won! Great job! Matt, please congratulate your sister.

NO!

Matt, let's be a good sport.

No...I want to win and I'm not going upstairs until I get to the castle.

I got to the castle!

That's right...you won, but we can keep playing.

(ohmygod,putyourfuckingphonedownanddislodgeoneofthesechildrenfrommylap

sincethiswasyourgoddamnideainthefirstplace)

I don't wanna pway anymore, but I'm gonna put my guy here.

Well, you're moving backwards. You want to go this way...to the castle.

I don't wanna go to the castle!!!

Okay, then I'll go. Great...I get to go backwards (making this game last even longer). Okay, Daddy's turn!

Daddy.

Dad, it's your turn.

Oh, sorry...I was checking something really important. Okay...look! I'm in the castle!

(WTF?)

Good job, Daddy!

(forced fake enthusiasm)

I don't wanna go in the castle!

Great...just me and Matt.

(if you don't put the fucking phone down and help me, I'm going to kill you...this was your damn idea in the first place...get him off of me!!!)

Okay, Matt...you're turn! Look! Double orange...good for you!

Gweat...I'm in the castle.

(piece goes skittering across the ground)

Hailey, we don't throw our pieces.

Good game, everyone! Time for baths!

* This recount may not be verbatim, but trust me...verbatim was worse and WAY more annoying.

** How in the world does someone teach a couple of 3-year olds good sportsmanship?

*** Is it me? Or would ONLY a man decide to have family game night after dinner and before baths?

**** Please tell me I'm not the only woman whose husband is on the phone at ridiculous times. I can't be the only one!

Makes My Monday

2011-11-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

Head over to Cheryl's blog to see who else is happy on a Monday!

So, if it's "too early" to put this thing outside, we'll inflate it inside...I hate these things with a PASSION, but clearly, I'm alone in that sentiment (and I will not admit that I poked a hole in Rudolph from last year).

Matching her Mama today...making me proud. She was totally against it until she realized it was long enough to look like a "dressie" and then she was happy and wore it all day long.

Practicing her model poses...note the empty reel of Christmas lights...we're ahead of the game this year, folks!

Very happy to be matching his Daddy...while being a complete embarrassment to his Mama. I kid! I kid!

They spent a lot of time hanging out with Brie today...not sure why, but it was cute.

Very happy kid b/c he earned his special treat by finishing his entire dinner. No one can resist a Ghirardelli brownie! Weird though...he opted to have more asparagus rather than eat some potatoes...the Crazies are weird. They HATE potatoes.

Knowing that she has to eat THAT piece of asparagus in order to get that brownie. She wasn't happy, but she muddled through and was successful in the end.

What makes my Monday? Being home, catching up on things, decorating for Christmas, and just spending some time together.

Cawfee Tawk

2011-11-20T06:51:00.001-05:00

Let's get to know each other a bit...here are some questions I would ask you if we were chatting over a cup of cawfee:

1. How did you meet your husband?

2. What is the one thing in this world that calms you down instantly?

3. What makes you feel more "put together?" A manicure? Pedicure? Great outfit?

4. If there was one thing you could have for Christmas, what would it be?

5. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Would you get Lasik if you could?

6. If you wake up in the middle of the night, do you lay in your bed trying to go back to sleep? Or do you get up and try to accomplish something?

7. What is the most annoying thing in your house that you would totally get rid of if you wouldn't get caught?

Okay, here are my answers:

1. How did you meet your husband? We met at a bar in Philadelphia...a friend and I had perched ourselves right outside the men's room (sexy, aren't we?) and I made some wiseass remark that garnered me some attention and my friend ended up giving Husband my number. While we were talking, I asked him how old he was and determined he was "way too young." He threw my number away after that rude comment. A few month later, he ended up seeing me at another bar on the Jersey Shore (I swear it's b/c I was wearing the same outfit as our first meeting) and we ended up talking again. He kept my number and the rest is history.

2. What is the one thing in this world that instantly calms you down? The beach...every single time. My runner up answer would be a bath with any LUSH product carelessly thrown in.

3. What makes you feel more "put together?" A manicure? Pedicure? Great outfit? A manicure is my answer...even in gym clothes, a manicure makes me feel like I have my shit together.

4. If there was one thing you could have for Christmas, what would it be? I have no idea...I want a lot of things, so I constantly direct Husband to my pinterest board (yes, I created a pinterest Christmas list board...you should too). He thinks I'm crazy. It's loaded with all sorts of useless crap b/c I don't really want anything. I'm pretty damn happy with life right now!

5. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Would you get Lasik if you could? Yes, and I would get Lasik...if it was covered by insurance and didn't involve someone sticking a laser in my eye...a laser is like fire, right? That's freaking scary. I would also get a tummy tuck, but no one asked.

6. If you wake up in the middle of the night, do you lay in your bed trying to go back to sleep? Or do you get up and try to accomplish something? I lay there...like a dolt...trying to go back to sleep.

7. What is the most annoying thing in your house that you would totally get rid of if you wouldn't get caught? Dog...it's not that I don't love her because I do, but it's just one more thing to take care of...I know, I'm Cruella Deville...whatever.

Your turn! Play along and link back to me if you're game...have a great Sunday and

GO GIANTS!!!

The Eagles stink and their fans are slimy smelly worms...that's right, Husband...suck it.

Friday Night Leftovers...on a Saturday morning

2011-11-19T07:07:00.001-05:00

Holy crap...what is wrong with me? I'm late on FNL...something I never do. Ah, well...thanks to the loose rules of the internet, it doesn't matter one single bit. There are no late fees and no one will look at me like a loser for "dropping the ball on the big project."

Thanks to Danifred...FNL completes me.

I'm starting to feel that weird "Holiday Rush" feeling right near my heart and on the edge of my brain.

Hailey is driving me NUTS whenever it comes to a sleep time...naps and night time. Absolutely NUTS! For instance, she needs to call me in at 9:18 at night to tell me that she "wants to lay dis way." Seriously? THEN LAY THAT WAY!!!!!

I adore my son when he gets his hair cut. He's serious as a heart attack and really wants to marry his hair dresser. Yes, I take my 3-year old to my fancy-dancy salon/spa, but it's worth it. He should run a training school for other kids getting their hair cuts. Although, I did notice that he was throwing dirty looks at the lady next to him. It wasn't her fault...she was having her hair blown dry and he hates the dryer. I'm pretty sure it was misconstrued.

I have a stuffed Santa on my front table from Kohl's. Every now and then, when one of the Crazies is annoying me, I'll walk over and start whispering in his ear. They look at me with complete wonderment and a side of fear.

^That^ is why I will NOT complain about holiday decorations being out too early...I'm milking this for all it's worth. I'll complain when I'm old and don't care about my children's behavior. So bring on the lights, Christmas trees, fake Santas, and Salvation Army bell ringers...

I love that Husband gets the Crazies out of bed on weekend mornings. I think he kind of likes it and I'm kind of sick of it. When you have twins, any sort of break is more than welcome.

I'm having a date night with Husband tonight...can't wait. I think we'll indulge in a bit of Christmas shopping and then return close to home to eat at a favorite restaurant. This was unexpected, but totally welcomed. We haven't had a date night in FOREVER!

We have yet to take our holiday picture. We're going to a Christmas Village next week with MomMom and PopPop. I plan on taking the picture there, but then I realized that it's outside, so they'll be wearing their jackets. There goes my plans for coordinating shirts, right...except if I take their jackets off really quick at the perfect location, make them freeze for 30 seconds, and hope for the best. It'll come out perfectly, right?

We're doing more Christmas decorating this weekend because we actually have a couple of free hours. That's right...milking it for all it's worth!

Hi, This Week? I Think I Missed You!

2011-11-17T06:23:00.001-05:00

Did you guys know that Thanksgiving is next week?

I sorta kinda knew b/c of all of those "I'm thankful for..." posts on the internet, but then it dawned on me that next week is just a few days away.

Dur.

Oh, and if Thanksgiving is next week then my sister's baby shower is just the week after...a mere 10 days (or something like that...I didn't actually count).

How did THAT happen???

This week has been a blur...a hodgepodge* of gym, preschool, conferences, bouncy houses, tutoring, cleaners, Paner.a, naps, making phone calls that were absolutely necessary, ordering baby shower goodies, and spending 5 minutes with Husband at the end of the day only to say that we "really need to start talking about Christmas."

Well, holy shit...Christmas is getting close too!

It's like I've never seen a calendar before, right?

I have to admit something though. After a time of doing a lot of fighting, yelling, pouting, bribing, convincing, and other things that I'm not so proud of, things are coming together on the Crazy front. They're starting to "get it." They're starting to understand that their actions have direct consequences. They're starting to understand that if they want something, they have to earn it. They're starting to do things on their own without being told 30,000,000 times. They're starting to help clean up when they're asked.

Oh, and I know that by merely putting these words into print will screw me and end my streak of good kids, but I have to give people hope that the attitude they develop when they first turn 3 does go away after a period of time.

I finally cut out the pictures for our Santa List Collage. We should be working on that this weekend, but I have a feeling the Crazies are going to have a hard time letting go of their pictures. They've become quite attached. They were allowed (by a very nice Husband) to bring their envelopes to bed last night since they were very well behaved. As I write this, Matt is laying his pictures out on his bed and shining the ladybug nightlight on every single one...like it's magical or something.

Naps have taken an interesting turn. Matt goes right up, tucks himself in, and goes to sleep. Hailey fights me like I'm a peasant trying to kick her out of her royal throne. She had this tirade the other day where she wouldn't let me leave the room without screaming that I had to "tuck in the lamp!" or "tuck in the ceiling fan!" or "tuck in the window!" WTF, sweetheart...you sound like you're looney tunes. Who tucks in a ceiling fan?

Sad to say, I do...don't judge me.

Then she plays with her pals for a while...a long while. Yesterday they got swim lessons. It's super cute, but when she finally falls asleep, it's only like 30 minutes before Matt is waking up, so her naps have sucked big time. Oh well...she can tolerate it. Matt can't.

They've also been eating like champs...even Hailey. We may get out of the 25-pound range after all!

So, what's been happening with you guys?

Need a strategy for saying "no" while it really sounds like you're saying yes? Check me out over here...I love this method and it really makes me seem like less of a bitch!

* Can you believe "hodgepodge" is a real word? What is this world coming to?

Great gift giving guide

2011-11-16T08:20:00.001-05:00

And yours truly is featured!!! Here's the link!

Blogging Boycott?

2011-11-15T22:17:00.001-05:00

Not so much.

I'm just a bit disenchanted with this world right now.

Not my world...I love my world.

It's the world outside my world.

Every time I turn around, something is getting worse.

It's not that I'm not happy either...it's just that there's so MUCH on my mind.

In better news, I had the Crazies preschool conference today and everything is on target.

Then we went to a new bounce house place which was awesome.

I slid down a HUGE slide with Hailey and we laughed like little girls...only out of character for one of us.

Then we went to Panera.

Then we came home and watched The Lion King.

Then Matt fell asleep.

Then I freaked out thinking he wouldn't take a nap.

Then he freaked out b/c I woke him up.

Then we went up for naps. Matt went down great and Hailey was a TOTAL PITA. That's what I get for giving her an awesome morning.

Then I called Husband so he could hear our own personal version of The Exorcist.

Then I go up there with the phone in my ear and she says, "I wanna go to sweep now...I wanna be tucked in...I wanna go to sweep" and makes me look like a total liar that her head was spinning around. Husband will never believe me.

There's more, but I'm too tired to remember it.

This whole PSU thing just brings to light that you never really know who you're leaving your children with. How do you trust anyone? How do you let your kids go? If you don't, you're screwed because they're the weird kids who have no life experience, but if you do, you take a risk every.single.time.

Scary, right?